


Observience

by seidrade



Series: WIPs [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Avengers Tower, Begging, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Inappropriate Humor, JARVIS is so done, Large Cock, M/M, Mild Domination, Mild Humiliation, Mild Praise Kink, Mind Games, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Rimming, Sibling Incest, Tony Stark needs a goddamn drink, Voyeurism, loki is a little shit, mind the teak
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-03-20 19:24:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18998977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seidrade/pseuds/seidrade
Summary: Tony frowned, standing up and walking closer to the projection. He sidled around it, the furrow in his brow growing deeper. “What am I looking at, J?” But of course, he already knew. He just needed Jarvis to confirm before he gave himself permission to fully lose it.“I am registering increased heart rates and respiration, along with elevated core body temperatures. Based on the vital signs and relative position of the heat signatures, I think it’s safe to say they are copulating, Sir.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a WIP that's been sitting in my files for ages. I'm not entirely sure if/when I'll ever be continuing it, because I'm juggling plenty of other projects right now, but I liked it a little too much to let it waste away in obscurity. For better or worse, here it is in all its unfiltered glory. All mistakes are mine.
> 
> A pairing note: this is primarily Thorki as seen through Tony's eyes, but if the thought of Loki touching Tony's no-no zones makes you break out in hives, here's your free ticket to backpedal.
> 
> There's about four chapters written, give or take. I'll post them as I clean them up. Will be explicit in forthcoming chapters. (Also heads up, there was a title change.)

In the end, the thing that surprised Tony the most wasn’t so much the fucking. 

He’d known there was _something_ going on within the first week of Stark-cum-Avengers Tower playing luxurious gaol to two disgruntled Norse gods. It had only taken a minor amount of sleuthing to tease out the precise nature of that something. Although it was Jarvis who ultimately provided confirmation, the unusual new flavor of tension between the Brothers Odinson had already made it exceedingly obvious that something was frotting in the state of Denmark.

The handcuffs and collar Loki sported upon his return had been part of it. He was no longer muzzled, but the Asgardian powers that be— evidently his adoptive dad, which probably explained a few things— had apparently figured that the heavy S&M look would reassure the gullible mortals that Loki wouldn’t be a threat. Tony was fairly certain that Loki’s magical abilities were the least of their worries, but Thor seemed convinced that Loki wouldn’t be a problem like this— all the same, friend Tony, wouldn’t it be best if he were kept in close watch by someone who knew his tricks?

Of course, Thor had probably underestimated just _how_ close a watch Tony could keep. Nothing as invasive as activating the cameras, since Thor was sharing the suite with Loki. Tony didn’t think treating them both like criminals was going to yield the best results— he could barely handle one pissed-off Asgardian, much less two. 

But heat signatures? That had seemed a reasonable compromise to Thor. And if Tony just happened to underemphasize how accurate down to the millimeter he could place the location of a body, well.

What Thor didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

 

It was the day of their arrival that Tony started to latch onto something... weird. 

First of all, although Loki was somewhat surly and clearly not happy to be there, that glimpse of dark humor Tony had seen right before Loki had flung him through his own window— well, it was more than a glimpse now. Loki seemed oddly… was ‘relaxed’ the right word for it? 

Considering he was being held under house arrest by one of the people who’d defeated him, sharing quarters with the exceptionally powerful brother he’d spent so much time betraying and trying to kill, on a world that would hate him if they only knew which face to hate… yeah, Loki seemed _suspiciously_ relaxed. 

Not that there wasn’t still tension to spare, especially between him and Thor. But if Tony wasn’t mistaken, there seemed to be a different flavor to the tension. Now Loki seemed to be goading Thor merely for the hell of it— almost teasing him. Thor was clearly still Not Happy with his younger brother, but Tony was starting to get a glimpse of how they might have been before Loki took a dive off the deep end… something Thor still hadn’t fully explained.

It quickly became a pattern where, whenever Tony and Thor were speaking directly about the details of the arrangement, Loki would soon find a way to disrupt their conversation with a snide comment or seemingly innocent question designed to needle.

_Drama queen still needs all eyes on him, what else is new._

But Tony wasn’t sure that was the extent of it. And he didn’t quite know how to put a finger on it. Whatever the cause, it wasn’t helping his anxiety.

An hour slipped by— Tony gamely giving them the rundown on what they could and couldn’t do in the suite, how to operate the kitchen appliances, the shower. He sure as hell didn’t want anyone else in his employ to come near Loki— and besides, this was valuable reconnaissance time for him. Loki, as expected, seemed to be sizing him up in turn.

Oddly enough, despite the tension, the knowledge that he was welcoming a homicidal maniac into his home, and all his most extreme reservations, the part of Tony with a death wish was starting to get a bit of a kick out of this. It was like teaching two kindergarteners with PhDs— they would be flummoxed for a moment upon being faced with an appliance, then instantly grasp all the intricacies of the inner workings just as soon as they knew what the hell the microwave was actually _for_. 

“Tony Stark has graciously allowed you your own bedchambers, brother,” Thor announced, leading Loki into his assigned bedroom. “Assuming you do not abuse the privilege and cause undue trouble.”

“Oh?” Loki glanced about the room with mild disinterest, then turned to Thor. “And if I do abuse the privilege? Will you then have to share your quarters with me? Seems a fairly simple route to inconvenience _you_.”

“Loki…” Came the warning.

“Though I suppose it’d be just like old times, wouldn’t it,” continued Loki, blithely, as he slowly prowled the length of the room, peering out the barred windows. “Bunking together. Or is that too generous for you?” His glance drifted back over to Thor, and a strange tone entered his voice.

“Would you have me at the foot of your bed like a tamed beast? Or perhaps on the floor? For is that not the point of this little exercise, brother? Are you not my keeper.”

Despite his snide words, the weirdest thing of all was that Loki looked almost… eager? Was he just spoiling for a fight, or…?

Thor glowered, but he seemed more uncomfortable than angry at where this strange conversation was going. “See to it that you do not make it necessary to find out.”

Loki seemed to take this as a challenge, crossing his arms as a sardonic grin tugged at one corner of his mouth. “As you wish,” was all he said, but the phrase must have shared some deeper meaning, for an intense look passed between them— so loaded that Tony could physically feel the tension roll in. The air felt charged, as thick and heavy as the moment before a thunderstorm. That might even be literal, given the circumstances. He’d have to get Jarvis to get him the barometric readings later.

Before Tony could say anything to break the tension, Loki looked away and hummed to himself, glancing about the room once more. “This button opens the curtains, does it not?”

“Or just ask Jarvis,” Tony replied, oddly glad for the shift in topic. That was _weird_. And from the way Thor was now avoiding his gaze, he had the distinct sense he’d seen something that he wasn’t meant to. “He might give you shit, but he’ll usually do what you ask, as long as it’s a reasonable request.”

Loki’s lips quirked, and Tony amended, “Reasonable by _his_ standards.”

They left Loki’s room behind, and Tony very quickly decided Thor could figure out his bedroom and ensuite on his own. 

 

Later, in the lab, Tony replayed the moment over and over in his mind. There was no doubt that Loki was a provocative son of a bitch, but was he seriously fucking flirting with Thor? There was really no other way to interpret what he’d seen and heard, right? The downright seductive tone, like he was channeling Michelle goddamn Pfeiffer? And the shit he’d said...

_Would you have me at the foot of your bed like a tamed beast?_

Damn, Loki. Talk about Shakespeare in the sheets. Could you have laid it on any thicker? 

_And what an image,_ another part of his mind prodded. _Especially with that collar he’s taken to wearing._

 _Fuck off, lizard brain,_ his sensible side reprimanded.

Honestly, Tony might have been able to shrug the whole thing off, assume that Loki was just trying to make them uncomfortable, but Thor’s reaction had been, well... fairly damning. The fact he didn’t laugh it off or get offended, the fact he looked fucking guilty? And Jarvis had confirmed for him that the barometric pressure had indeed dropped significantly.

_Seriously gotta work on your poker face, bud._

If it was true, then it became clear Loki had staged this conversation in Tony’s presence to remind Thor that he still had some leverage of his own. After all, Tony mused, Loki would probably like nothing more than for everyone to know that Thor wasn’t, perhaps, the untarnished golden boy of Asgard. 

The smartest thing Tony could do would be to take away that leverage. The last thing they needed was Loki trying to blackmail Thor. God knows what hellscape that would lead to.

He should just talk to Thor about it. He _should_. But still, he hesitated to make any moves with only Loki’s insinuations to go on. After all, that’s what got them into such a mess on the helicarrier. And Thor, for all his genial charm, was a bit of a touchy guy when it came to his princely honor. Tony still didn’t know him all that well. If he approached the goddamn alien god of thunder with a casual, “hey, did you used to dick down your little bro?” it would almost certainly get weird, regardless of the answer. 

And shit, if Thor thought Tony was onto them, would he do something rash? Break Loki out of the tower and abscond to some remote part of the planet where Tony couldn’t keep an eye on him? Which would surely bring SHIELD and Asgard down on Tony’s ass for losing Public Enemy No. 1? Ah fuck… the bad possible outcomes were beginning to spiral. He was starting to panic again.

_Okay. Just. Back it the fuck up, Stark. You need evidence before action._

“Jarvis.”

“Yes, Sir?”

“If Romeo and Juliet up there actually become star-crossed lovers, I want to know about it. Immediately.” Tony drummed his fingers on the table. “They so much as play footsie or stare into each others eyes while slurping spaghetti, I wanna know about it. Capisce?” 

“Si, Sir. Capisco.”

 

It was about a week into Asgardian sleep-away camp that Tony found himself in the midst of planning renovations for one of the destroyed floors— literally, the one with the various Loki-shaped indentations. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to deal with it sooner, having thrown himself into Loki-proofing the guest suite. 

It still made him shudder to think of the force the Hulk would have exerted to create that kind of damage. Part of him itched to know just how durable these aliens were, what sterner stuff they were composed of that gave them such a human appearance while making them so much more impervious to harm— but then that lead to far too many other questions, and he was already having enough cold sweats and nightmares as it was.

He was just debating the merits of having gold or platinum poured kintsugi-style to fill the cracks in the cement, versus the annoyance of having the whole damn section cut out and re-poured, which might then lead to structural issues, although if he augmented the cement with—

“Sir, I’ve noticed something in Thor and Loki’s suite that may be of interest to you.”

Tony glanced up, tension suddenly running through his body. “Hit me.” He set down his tablet and looked up expectantly, trying not to let his breathing speed up. He really needed to get back into meditation, these smoothies alone weren’t cutting it.

Jarvis dutifully projected a 3D holo-view of the suite’s layout and the heat signatures within. They appeared to be very close together against the wall in the master bedroom, moving subtly but not changing location. Loki’s signature was much cooler than Thor’s, making it all too clear that he was the one closer to the wall.

Tony frowned, standing up and walking closer to the projection. He sidled around it, the furrow in his brow growing deeper. “What am I looking at, J?” But of course, he already knew. He just needed Jarvis to confirm before he gave himself permission to fully lose it.

“I am registering increased heart rates and respiration, along with elevated core body temperatures. Based on the vital signs and relative position of the heat signatures, I think it’s safe to say they are copulating, Sir.”

“How long have they been going at it?” Tony asked, pressing his hand to his mouth. His chest felt tight. _God_ , it sucked to be right about everything. Why was this giving him such anxiety?

“The current activities began approximately twelve minutes ago. I believe they may have been having an argument prior to. Their vital signs had already shown signs of elevation, but I didn’t see any cause for concern as my sensors did not detect anything in the suite being damaged. Hence I did not notify you until I was certain they were no longer having a mere altercation.”

Tony twitched. “Oh, I’ll bet you Dum-E’s life that they’re still fighting. Jesus.” He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and through his hair. 

Alright. So it was confirmed. Now what the hell was he supposed to do? Go in there, blow a whistle and throw Thor a yellow card? Being hammered to death by a naked, pissed-off, cock-blocked Norse god would make for a memorable obituary, but Tony still had things he wanted to see in this life. Although damn, imagine what that guy was packi— 

“Would you like me to intervene, sir?” Jarvis asked. 

Tony hand-waved him. 

“Nah. Let’s let this play out for now. When it happens again, let me know.”

Jarvis didn’t exactly sigh, but his voice was long-suffering as he agreed, “Very well, sir.”

 

“When it happens again” turned out to be later that evening. And again the next morning. And then a blessed 24-hour break between Tony’s cortisol spikes before Jarvis pinged him twice the morning after that, followed once in the late afternoon. 

“...fought him on Monday, threw him in the clink on Tuesday, we were touchin' butts on Wednesday, and on Thursday and Friday and Saturday…” Tony hummed under his breath, taking a long slurp of his spirulina concoction. Taking internal bets on when Jarvis would chime back in with a “Sir…” in that tone of voice that meant he loathed this task with every optic fiber of his being. His number one AI certainly hadn’t forgiven Loki for his trespasses against the tower and the world at large, which Tony deeply appreciated.

About forty five minutes after Jarvis had most recently notified him of activities commencing (6:30pm, Friday) the lights suddenly grew brighter in intensity, flickered once and promptly died, with a few audible pops.

Tony’s shop generators started up with a low whirr, but after a few more seconds, the lights were back on almost as quickly as they’d stopped, minus the bulbs that had overloaded. He’d specifically engineered them to handle exceptional power surges so that could only mean...

Tony set down his wrench and waited.

Three… two… one.

“Miss Potts on the line for you.”

“Pepper! It wasn’t me.”

“Tony, what the hell, what was that surge just a second ago? Are you overloading the power grid again? I thought you’d taken care of that.”

“I'll look into it right now, I'm sure it’s nothing to worry about. Definitely not anything weird that I did.”

“Thanks, Tony.” Pepper hung up, absolutely convinced it was his fault. And hey, normally, she’d be right on the money. 

“Sir…” 

He was pretty sure Jarvis was just doing this to mock him. “Yeah, buddy. I think I’d better step in. Not right after that little display, it’ll be too obvious. Next time.”

 

The next day, Tony was ready and waiting when he got the call. 8:30pm on a Saturday night… nearly a full 26 hours, the longest they’d gone without. Guess they got spooked after the light show. Obviously, not spooked enough to call it quits.

“Actually yeah, Jarvis. Tell Thor I’ll be down in a minute to see him. Let him know I’ve got some new ideas for the security in their suite and I need to double-check some measurements.”

Not like he didn’t already have the schematics for the entire building at his fingertips, but Thor wouldn’t know that. 

“Very well, sir. Would you prefer lilies or roses at your funeral, or should I leave the selection to Miss Potts?”

“Do you really have so little faith in my bullshitting capabilities?” Tony scoffed, bullshitting entirely. What was there to fear? It’s not like he was about to do something incredibly foolish. 

On second thought, he scooped up the bracelets for the Mark VIII before stepping into the elevator. “And you know me Jarv, I’m more of a Steel Magnolias kind of guy.”

“As you wish, sir.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why don’t we settle this in a much simpler fashion?” Oh, and Tony didn’t like that innocent tone. He knew that slippery mind was working double-time to manipulate the situation. Loki paused a moment, presumably for added drama. “Stark is unconvinced of the wisdom in allowing us to act freely. Why should we not allow him to observe and decide for himself?”
> 
> Stupefied silence fell upon the room. Briefly.
> 
> “Absolutely not.”

As expected, Thor looked slightly disheveled and a little less than pleased when Tony stepped out of the elevator into the airy, open-plan living room, though he’d at least dressed himself in the few minutes it took for Tony to ascend to their floor. Tony idly wondered if Asgardians just fucked with their clothes on— that armor looked complicated.

He gave Thor a cheerful grin, though underneath his mind was still loudly churning. He could see a faint flush of red climbing up the base of Thor’s neck, just a hint of sweat curling the dark blond hair there and making it stick to his skin. The pheromones coming off the guy were almost visible, like heat rising from the LA tarmac. _Gotcha, pervert._

Tony had to be honest— it wasn’t the incest that bothered him, not really. Fucking your asshole adoptive brother, that was one thing. Who was he to judge, people did way weirder shit than that all the time. He’d even paid to see a good deal of it.

But fucking your asshole adoptive brother who’d just staged an alien invasion of the planet you were evidently sworn to protect and who was now being held under house arrest in the tower he’d used to open a fucking hellgate into space (ugh) and trashed considerably in the process, the very tower which just happened to be the home of the man he’d so casually defenestrated because he couldn’t take a damn joke, the same man who then had to fly through the fucking aforementioned hellgate into space (fuck...) to keep his alien army from destroying first the city then the planet, then _graciously_ allowed said home to act as a five star intergalactic prison at great risk to himself and his sanity in order to spare said asshole adoptive brother from death? 

Well… forgive Tony for being a little peeved.

“What’s up, Muscles? Sorry to disturb your evening poetry reading, or whatever it is you strapping Viking warriors do in your spare time.” Tony held up his tablet by way of explanation as he breezed past Thor. “I’m so close to having the last few upgrades to the suite dialed in, I’m just not sure all the schematics are correct. Looks like we’re doing this the old fashioned way.” Then, glancing around as if it had just occurred to him, “Where’s Professor Snape? Out on a hot date?”

Thor frowned as he realized Tony was heading for the hallway that lead to the master bedroom— ostensibly Thor’s room. Or maybe he wasn’t an Alan Rickman fan and just didn’t like the comparison. “Actually, I believe Loki is sleeping at the moment. He has been doing that overmuch as of late. I would not disturb him.”

Tony feigned confusion. “But that’s your— ”

Thor looked pained. “He— complained of a backache. Said he wished to try the other bed.”

Tony just barely kept the smirk from his face at how awkwardly the lie rolled off Thor’s noble tongue. “And here I thought there was no rest for the wicked.”

Fact: Loki should’ve had time to retreat to his own room. Conclusion: Loki wanted to be caught. Alternate conclusion: Thor had chained him to the damn bed and hadn’t wanted to undo his handiwork.

“Well,” Tony continued, “I’ll just take some other measurements first, maybe he’ll be up by the time I’m done. If not, I can always come back.” He stepped back toward the common area and watched the tension visibly lift from Thor’s shoulders as the immediate threat diminished. Not very good with the poker face, this one.

To his credit, Thor still managed a winning smile. “Of course. I appreciate you going to all this effort to allow us to reside here in your tower, Tony Stark. I confess I had not realized what an undertaking it would be, even for a man of your abilities and resources.”

Tony had to hand it to him, he knew how to play the gracious guest. Guess it came with the territory for an alien prince. _Just don’t break my bed, you dirty, lying son of an Odin._

“Don’t sweat it, I like doing this kind of stuff. The renovation, I mean.” Tony waved his hand aimlessly as Thor took a seat on the edge of the sofa— hm, not quite relaxed, then. “And you’re not half-bad company, honestly. Jury’s still out on Little Nicky.” 

Tony had just began scanning the perimeter of the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room— because hell, he really could improve upon the hastily-installed bars, an electromagnetic field would surely do just as well— when he sensed a quiet footfall and a sudden shift in the energy of the room.

“Rise and shine,” he remarked, turning to see Loki at the entrance of the corridor to the master bedroom. Loki’s hair fell in soft unruly waves ( _well, well… look at you, Herbal Essences_ ) and aside from his collar and wrist cuffs, he wore only fitted leggings and a thigh-length tunic that exposed a modest amount of pale chest. His usual armored overcoat was nowhere in sight— as undressed as Tony had ever seen him. Frankly, he looked better without those monstrous shoulder pads dwarfing his frame. Kinda hot, to be honest— almost more intimidating now that you could see a hint of his actual musculature, like a wolf in hippy’s clothing.

“Brother? I did not know you were awake,” Thor lied with only the slightest hesitation as he stood. He seemed surprised at Loki’s presence— clearly he’d told him to play along with the “just sleeping” routine. 

Loki evidently had other plans. 

Face to face with him again, Tony couldn’t escape the fact that even a week in, the mere sight of Loki still made his pulse race. He hadn’t exactly been sleeping the best before Loki showed up, and the situation hadn’t improved with the cause of his nightmares now living directly above him. He still sometimes jolted awake with the feeling of Loki’s hand closing around his neck, lifting him and tossing him aside like it was nothing, like he was throwing rice at a damn wedding. Even shackled and bound by Odin’s magical mumbo jumbo, Loki was nothing to mess with and they both knew it.

Loki locked onto him with those intense, intelligent eyes. Alert and clearly without any illusions about the reason for Tony’s presence. 

“Stark. So kind of you to pay a visit.”

Tony shrugged. “Yeah, well, I still owed you a drink.”

Loki tilted his head just enough to be subtly unnerving and continued to stare into him, impassive. “I’m truly touched you remembered.”

“It’s barely been two weeks since I offered,” Tony remarked with a flippant shrug, tucking his tablet into his back pocket and sauntering over to a more reasonable conversational distance, bypassing Thor in the process. “And I’ve been told I give good recall.”

He could see Thor’s increasingly bemused glances between the two of them, had to smile a little at the confusion blossoming on that golden, chiseled face. ( _“But Tony, you said you were here to fix—”_ ) 

It was just too easy, and he was irritated, after all.

“Besides,” Tony continued, turning his attentions to Loki, “I’ve got a great vintage bottle of Ardbeg stashed in here and no way was I letting that go without a fight.”

Loki’s lips were a sharp red line against his sharp pale face as he stalked closer, until Tony could clearly see traces of a flush on his neck above that wicked-looking collar, the smallest trace of sweat beaded above his lip. He smelled pretty good for a guy who usually wore nothing but leather. If Tony had to guess, he’d say… hmm, vetiver and cedar, perhaps, with top notes of fresh hops and stone fruit. Bright and mineral and vaguely alpine. There was even a cool touch of creosote and a hint of the telltale ozone that always clung to Thor. 

Had Loki always smelled that good? He couldn’t remember noticing anything while he was being choked and threatened. Priorities, really.

Loki seemed overly amused, and Tony wondered not for the first time if he could read minds.

“First a drink, now a fight? Which will it be, Stark? I’m all too happy to indulge either of your capricious whims.”

Tony stood his ground, refusing to be intimidated in his own tower, especially by a leering, sexually-frustrated space wizard. 

“Loki,” came the warning from Thor, but before Loki could reply, Tony held out a pacifying hand.

“It’s fine,” he said, not taking his eyes off Loki. _Read this: I’m onto you, brotherfucker_. “We’re just making small talk. You know me, I can always talk and fight, but chatting over drinks is generally considered more civilized.” He paused, quirking a brow. “Unless you wanna keep trying to loom over me. I definitely didn’t notice or anything.”

That did get Loki to crack a hint of a grin. 

“Well then,” he all but purred, and Tony almost gulped. “Let’s opt for civilized. Shall we spare a drop for my brother?”

Oh, yes. Flirt with the mortal, make the thunder god jealous— this guy had a true appreciation for the classics.

“Sure,” Tony sparred lightly, turning to Thor. “You want some, big boy?” 

For a moment, Thor seemed to not know how to respond to this. Loki’s amusement was palpable and Tony would bet money that phrase was going to resurface later in a far different context. But then the god of thunder recovered and give Tony a kind, appreciative smile. “Thank you, friend Tony. I would be honored to partake. I’ve yet to try any Midgardian alcohol from this century, and I hear that what it lacks in strength, it more than makes up in character.”

Tony snorted, giving Loki a sidelong glance. “Right. I’m starting you both off with top shelf scotch. The good stuff. And if you’re lucky, I might even let you try the truly heinous shit afterward.”

“And what to your mind, qualifies as ‘the good stuff?’” Loki wanted to know, and he did sound actually curious.

Tony produced the bottle from its temperature-controlled case with a flourish.

“Ardbeg. Made in Scotland from the shit that grows in bogs, and it’s some of the finest in the world, only sold in cases to certain, esteemed buyers. I actually bought a majority share of their stocks last year; one of my wiser investments, if I do say so myself. This stuff is actually pressure-aged in space... although I realize now that probably sounds far less impressive to you guys than it does to my usual dinner guests…”

“Try us,” said Loki.

 

“So,” Tony gave his glass a casual swirl and made eye contact with Loki. “How long’ve you two been playing ‘hide the hammer?’”

He’d timed it to coincide almost perfectly with Thor taking a long sip of his Ardbeg. The horrified coughing fit that resulted wasn’t quite as good as a classic spit take, but he was definitely still going to show the footage to Bruce later. 

Loki’s response was a dark smirk, the gleam in his eye not just humor. _Impressed, huh? Didn’t think I’d come out and say it, did you, Vampire Weekend?_

“Tony—“ Thor managed to croak out, looking desperately between them. “If my understanding of that idiom is correct, I wish to tell you that you have entirely the wrong—“

“Fucking, Thor.” Tony cut him off loudly, enunciating each word. “How long have you two been _fucking_.”

“Roughly three hundred years, not accounting for periods of extended absence and other breaks of either choice or necessity,” Loki coolly intoned, as if he were merely reporting on the stock exchange. The look on Thor’s face was comical.

Tony nodded, the very caricature of thoughtful. “Of course, of course. So… let’s unpack this. You two have a big ol’ falling out, things get messy, one of you tries to take over my world, the other one gives him magic handcuffs and a spanking in my state-of-the-art guest suite, you short out my power grid… where’s the part where you expected me not to find out?” He fixed Loki with a hard stare. “Or is this all part of some clever plot to embarrass your big brother in front of his new friends?”

Loki just sat back and savored his scotch, smirking. Meanwhile, Thor had gone unnervingly red. Hard to tell if he was mortified, angry, or a dangerous combination of both. 

“Tony Stark,” he growled— and okay, yep, that was a bit of anger, but Tony would bet money he was feeling pretty damn sheepish underneath. “You know not of which you speak.”

“Peace, Thor,” Loki waved a hand dismissively, already seeming bored. “You knew it was only a matter of time. So the mortal’s found out your shameful little secret, what are you going to do about it?”

Thor stood up from the table abruptly with fists clenched, the muscles in his forearms and jaw jumping in a worrying manner. He looked about ready to throttle Loki, whereas Loki almost looked eager for it. Well… that just confirmed a few things about the fucked-up nature of this relationship. 

Tony whistled to get their attention.

“Hey. Look. Let’s get a few things straight here, okay? First of all— don’t care about the brother thing. Like, that’s honestly the least of my concerns here. Who gives a shit.” He spat the words almost viciously, looked at them hard in turn. “What is my concern is that a) that you don’t break my damn guest bed, because in your case the answer to the age-old mondegreen, ‘are we human or are we denser,” is most certainly the latter. And b) that you don’t jeopardize me or anyone else in this tower if you have a lover’s spat and Lightning McQueen here decides to surge the power again and actually blow out the windows.” 

Honestly, the last thing he needed was Loki manipulating Thor to somehow disable any of the built-in security measures with a lightning tantrum. Shit, he needed a better contingency for this.

Thor looked offended by this suggestion. “My friend, you need not concern yourself with such things— ”

“Actually, I _do_ need concern myself, Thor,” Tony found his patience wearing thin. “You asked me to give you a safe place to put Loki, which just so happens to be in my damn tower that he half destroyed not two weeks ago. He also did a lot of other annoying shit, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of hearing it all repeated back to him.” 

Loki gave a wry grin, but thankfully didn’t say anything when Tony gave him the side-eye. 

“And here’s my last point, c)... you don’t fuck your own prisoners. From what I understand, Loki’s considered a criminal both by Asgard and by Earth. He’s on house arrest and you’re supposed to be keeping an eye on him. Do you realize that now you’ve just made _me_ responsible if I don’t mention this to anyone else and anything goes wrong?” Tony took a steadying swallow of his scotch, inhaling sharply after it had warmed its way down his throat. “This isn’t a viable long-term plan, buddy.”

Thor drummed his fingers on the table, and Tony was reminded of nothing so much as a massive lion flicking its tail in the grass. “I did not intend to cause you any undue concern, my friend,” he rumbled. “I am here to take full responsibility for looking after Loki and this does not change that duty. You have our word that no harm will come to anyone in this place.”

Tony grimaced as he glanced over toward Loki, who seemed content to remain quiet during this exchange, his eyes flicking catlike back and forth. 

“That’s the thing, though,” Tony frowned. “You can’t just _speak_ for him. Yeah, Loki did some really bad shit but he’s also being punished— you can’t just…” He was suddenly grasping for words. How to explain consent to space Vikings who were neither safe nor sane.

“Look, you’re meant to be guarding him, not banging him. Even if you two used to be ‘bros in the streets, freaks in the sheets’ without any problems, you’re not in Kansas anymore. It just doesn’t look good, you see what I’m saying? It looks like you’re slacking on the job and taking advantage. He’s not just your little brother, he’s a _prisoner_ in a goddamn collar and shackles, Thor— he can’t exactly say no to you.”

Now Thor looked really offended. “Tony Stark, it is the deepest affront to my honor that you would think to accuse me of such heinous crimes. I love Loki dearly, and I would never— ”

“Consent is not an issue, Stark.” Loki finally decided to cut in, flat and dry, seeming uncomfortable to Tony’s eye. “As I’m sure you may have guessed, Thor and I rarely see eye to eye, yet in this matter, I have always advocated for my own wishes.” A smirk twisted his lips. “The trivial fact of my confinement changes nothing. And Thor is thoroughly unable to aid me in the removal of Odin’s geas, so rest assured, I’m only in this for my own selfish needs.” A mean, devious spark entered his gaze. “I mean, look at him, wouldn’t you?”

“Enough, Loki.” Thor growled, banging a fist on the table. Tony barked a harsh laugh.

“You’re not really selling me on this, Point Break. If I were gonna sign off on this— which I’m not saying I am— I’d need to know you’re weren’t gonna throttle him if he says something annoying mid-coitus. Which, y’know, is probably like breathing for him. Also, mind the teak, would ya?”

“I’m touched that you care so deeply for my well-being, Man of Iron.” Loki made the epithet sound like a barb. “But it is an unnecessary concern. I have dealt with far greater threats than my own misguided brother.”

Tony grimaced. “You’re not really selling me on it either, Mister ‘Wouldn’t Know Healthy Boundaries if They Danced Around Him Naked.’ You’re so far gone, I wouldn’t trust you to know the difference between 'yay' choking and 'nay' choking.”

Loki’s lips thinned and his nostrils flared slightly, but he hadn’t yet tried to throw Tony across the room, so he figured he was still skating around the patch of thin ice. 

Honestly, two weeks ago, if you told him this was where his life was going...

“Look, guys,” Tony stood, placing his fingertips on the table. “I’m sure you’ve got your reasons, and honestly, I feel like an awkward dad giving the most fucked up version of The Talk— but I gotta insist that you cool it. It’s way too soon, people are still mad that Loki’s even here. One whiff of this and I’ll have SHIELD crawling up my ass to have him taken away to their facilities where you definitely won’t be able to bang.” He felt the beginnings of a headache coming on just thinking about the paperwork. “Look, just… I’m gonna get Thor separate quarters and we’ll just have to make it work.”

Thor didn’t look pacified by this. “Tony Stark, you may fear the entity called SHIELD, but trust me when I say that I will not be cowed by Midgardian politics. Loki is under my protection, as is your entire planet. I have great esteem for you, my friend, but I will not be bullied. The situation is under control.”

Tony eye-rolled hard, but before he could reply, Loki set down his glass with purpose and caught both their attentions. 

“Why don’t we settle this in a much simpler fashion?” Oh, and Tony didn’t like that innocent tone. He knew that slippery mind was working double-time to manipulate the situation. Loki paused a moment, presumably for added drama. “Stark is unconvinced of the wisdom in allowing us to act freely. Why should we not allow him to observe and decide for himself?”

Stupefied silence fell upon the room. Briefly.

“Absolutely not.” 

“You want me to watch you _what_?” 

Loki glanced over at Tony.

“I think you’d find it rather… illuminating. Inspiring, perhaps.”

“I don’t know about that,” Tony countered, pushing back from the table and walking over to the wet bar. High time for another bottle of Ardbeg. “I doubt there’s much you could show me that I haven’t seen. I might only have a fraction of your lifespan, but let’s just say that’s a motivating factor.”

When he turned back to the table, Thor was glowering at Loki, who seemed to be enjoying the attention immensely, despite only having eyes for Tony. 

“You say that now, Tony Stark, but you’ve never seen two gods _in flagrante delicto_ ,” he purred in that rich voice of his— the one that against his better judgment set Tony’s mind spiraling down a few naughty rabbit holes. 

Tony sauntered back over to the table, setting the bottle down between them. “Maybe not,” he countered, trying not to slip into flirtation out of habit. He had a point to make here, damnit. (Didn’t he?) “But at the end of the day, we’re not so different, are we? You might burn longer but I’d bet we burn brighter. It all comes out in the wash.” Ahem. So to speak.

Loki’s mouth twitched. “Is that fear I detect? I didn’t know the Man of Iron to be so cowardly.”

“Loki,” Thor had clearly had enough, but Loki ignored him, eyes burning as they fixed on Tony.

“So much for your scientific curiosity, Tony Stark. You have the opportunity of a lifetime in front of you and you’re either too proud or too intimidated to seek the answers for yourself. Perhaps your flame has already gone out.”

Tony huffed a laugh, shaking his head as he uncapped the bottle. “You’re not going to goad me into this, Loki. What was that about respecting boundaries again? Oh, right, you clearly have no _fucking_ clue, which was made evident by you failing to comprehend the giant, glaring “no soliciting” sign on this planet.” This point was punctuated by him refilling Loki’s snifter. 

_See,_ some _of us know how to treat unexpected company, even obnoxious homicidal shits like you. But don’t push it._

He tried to push down the thoughts of what it _would_ be like, watching them go at it like animals. Loki was always vying for control, but Tony’d bet good money that for all his bitching about his brother, he secretly liked being at Thor’s mercy. He struck Tony as a real uptight masochist, the type of submissive brat that needed a lot of attention but couldn’t handle getting what he asked for. No wonder he was always so on edge.

The question still remained; was Loki just trying to fuck with him, did he think this was actually a reasonable suggestion, or did he just have an exhibitionist streak, through and through? And now he was imagining Loki in just his collar and wrist cuffs, trussed and stuffed like a Christmas goose, oh boy, let’s just derail that train before it pulls into the station.

Tony hoped his momentary mental slip-up hadn’t shown on his face, but evidently no such luck.

Loki didn’t look perturbed in the slightest— no, he seemed smug, which Tony didn’t like one bit. “He’s thinking about it, Thor. Despite himself, he _is_ curious.” He leaned forward across the table, as if to speak only to his brother. “Wouldn’t it be _ideal_ if we could just settle this between us.” 

“You’re acting out of madness, brother,” Thor admonished, half-heartedly. It didn’t escape Tony that he’d grown increasingly quiet and thoughtful since his initial protest. _Oh come on Thor, don’t do this to me, buddy._

“Am I?” Loki’s lip curled, the very picture of amused.  “Right then,” he spoke lightly. “Well, I suppose this is it, Thor. You’ll simply have to find me another caretaker, since we both know you can’t possibly contain your baser urges.” His mild, unconcerned smile was downright cruel as he absently fiddled with one of his manacles. “I’m sure I’ll be just fine here with Stark. Apparently he’s well-practiced with observing boundaries.” Loki’s eyes flicked over Tony like a snake’s tongue, cool and aloof, but the minute hint of interest in his voice was certainly calibrated to do damage. 

Sure enough, for a moment, Thor’s face was darker than ever. _Damn Loki— you sure know where to hit ‘em. The shitty little brother and the manipulative girlfriend all in one. What a mindfuck._

But the storm clouds blew over as quickly as they came. Thor was making a visible effort to control himself. He looked out at the dark sky, the bright-lit city, lips pressed together. Fiddled with his glass, raising it from the table but not bringing it to his lips. Loki watched him keenly. After a moment, Thor spoke, this time directly to Tony.

“My friend… what do you think of this proposal? It is madness, to be sure, but I cannot think of a better, nor simpler solution.”

Tony’s eyes widened. He hadn’t actually expected Thor to come around on the idea. “I— what? Are you really asking me to watch you guys bone?”

Thor’s face set with determination. “If it is the only way to ensure I will be able to continue looking after Loki, and assure you there will be no additional strife for you on our behalf. I spoke rashly earlier, and that was poorly done of me. I don’t wish to strain our friendship over this issue, nor do I wish for Loki to be turned over to anyone else’s care. It would be more than unwise. He is my brother and a prince of Asgard, and you are the only one I would trust to keep him safe in my absence. If I must trust you with this secret as well, so be it.” 

Tony couldn’t help but laugh, taking another swallow of smokey, warming fortitude. “Well, bud, I guess I’m, uh... touched? But I mean, guys, the logic of this— how would watching you have sex be any different than monitoring you like Jarvis already does?”

Hm, maybe that was the wrong thing to say. Thor gave a deep frown, though Loki merely eye-rolled as he admonished his brother. 

“Don’t look so shocked, you fool. How did you think he found out in the first place? He even told you he was using his artificial intelligence to keep watch. Let me guess, the heat signatures?”

“Plus respiration and heart rates,” Tony nodded. “The suite’s wired for visual and audio surveillance but per our agreement, I haven’t been using those capabilities.” _Yet._

“So you haven’t _seen_ us,” Loki pressed, leaning in towards Tony ever so slightly. “Only observed the most basic of bio-signatures. I don’t think I have to tell you the difference.”

Tony wasn’t convinced. “Well, _I_ don’t think a one-time observation of your brotherly mating habits is any kind of guarantee that things won’t go sideways down the road.”

Loki wet his lips, and like an idiot, Tony’s eyes glanced down before he could catch himself. It didn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you saying you’d like to observe more than once?” Loki murmured, using the Voice again, and Tony could see Thor’s fist clench out of the corner of his eye. 

“I don’t think David Lee Roth over there is super into that idea,” Tony said mildly, swirling his glass of scotch. “But you seem awfully eager. Now why would that be? Because you want me complicit in your little mind games? Or are you really just gagging for a private audience? Big brother suddenly not enough for you?”

Loki looked more amused than offended, letting his eyes slide shut as he savored a sip of his scotch before he deigned to reply. 

“Hm. That wasn’t quite a ‘no,’ was it?” An annoying little grin. “Trust that I am not eager for your attentions, Mr. Stark. You and your invisible manservant already hang off my every word and leap at my smallest gesture. I want for nothing.” He set down his glass delicately with a small, arrogant smile; psycho but still a prince. “My suggestion is clearly the most sensible compromise. We prove that our relations will not pose any issue to you; you prove you can successfully keep me out of SHIELD's hands. And if you say you wish to ensure that our ongoing interactions meet your standards of decorum, then by all means, you have my permission to observe to your heart’s content.”

Before Tony could reply, Loki continued. “As for your other question… even Thor, for all his prowess, will attest that satisfaction is simply not in my nature.” He gazed at Tony through his lashes in a slow blink that was all Lauren Bacall with a homicidal edge. “As I very much doubt it is in yours.”

_That’s it, no more TCM for you, buddy._

Tony suddenly wanted to laugh, absurdly. It was probably just the sheer adrenaline rush of imminent danger, but he was starting to get more riled up than he should and Loki clearly knew it.

So yeah, he was a bit curious. Who wouldn’t want to see two tall, sculpted, unfairly attractive demigods going at it— especially brothers-with-benefits who’d been fucking on the DL since before the Industrial Revolution. He had morals but he also wasn’t blind. Their chemistry was off the charts.

But there was a bigger picture here. He was already complicit in covering this up if he didn’t alert anyone else to Jarvis’ findings. If he actually _watched_ them fuck, should Romanoff and Rogers or god-forbid-Fury ever get wind of this… should Loki try to blackmail him with this down the road...

Well, actually, wait— let’s think this through. 

Best case scenario; nobody ever finds out. Unlikely, but fine. Moving on. Semi-realistic scenario; everyone finds out through no fault of his own, Tony gets the silent treatment (oh no, terrible) and that’s about it, because who in their right mind would try to get between these two Norse nutjobs. Also fine. Worst case scenario; everyone finds out through no fault of his own, he never hears the end of it (which, whatever, get out of my tower), Loki gets carted off to SHIELD— sorry guys, I _tried_ — and then Thor’s horny wrath becomes undeniably Not His Problem. Still totally fine.

After all, Tony was already complicit in covering up Loki’s continued presence, both at Thor’s and SHIELD’s behest, _and_ on his own dime. If he was complicit in covering up a few additional details while keeping Loki contained— who were they going to cry to?

Honestly, the whole thing was a favor to Thor more than anything. Tony liked the guy well enough, but even more than that, he liked keeping his enemies where he could see them. Having He-Man and the Masters of the Universe in his debt seemed like a smart move. And now, Thor was simply making another problem for him to solve. A chance to rack up more Asgardian karma points? Sure, why the hell not.

Still, his conscience wasn’t fully eased.

After all, Loki had tried to literally _take over the world_ not two weeks ago. Had killed hundreds of people. Destroyed a notable chunk of Tony’s tower and an even more notable chunk of Manhattan. Left alien guts all over the place (shudder) and generally made a big fucking nuisance of himself. Tony suspected there might be more to the story, but regardless, he’d seen all that shit with his own eyes. Thor’s wishes aside, why should the little prick get anything he wanted?

Then again, this wasn’t about whether giving Loki what he wanted was the moral thing to do. This was about keeping him safely under lock and key— about keeping not just Tony’s tower but his entire world in one piece. 

Sure, Edward Scissorhands was already being held under high security and constant surveillance; already wearing the Asgardian accessories that crippled his wizard mumbo jumbo. But Tony knew that crafty mind moved a mile a millisecond. Tony might be a genius with the world’s most advanced AI on his side, but Loki was wily as shit and knew far more about alien magic and exploiting potential loopholes than he could ever hope to. He could see Loki plotting a long game. Five years, ten years— it was nothing to these guys. Tony needed a leg-up here. Needed to know more about Loki and his abilities if he wanted to have any hope of keeping up with him.

No. Fuck keeping up with him. Tony needed to _outpace_ him. And ironically, Thor had given him the perfect opening, while Loki had given him the perfect solution. Two could play this game.

So sure, let’s let Loki think he’s got the primitive mortal by the dick. Let him think he’s getting his way by manipulating Tony, whilst getting to have his brotherly beefcake and fuck it too. Let him get too cocky. Cocky lowers its guard. Cocky makes mistakes. 

The idea definitely had legs. And he was pretty sure he could convince Bruce on this one, if he had to. (Plus, if he was being totally honest, the part of his scientific curiosity that resided in his dick was pretty keen on the idea.)

“All right.” Tony stood, laid his palms flat on the table. A chastising shake of the head and a slow smirk. “I can't believe I'm saying this but I’m in, you sick fucks. Thou only livest once, so, y’know. Make it count.” He lifted his glass to them. “Skal. You guys do say that, right?” Then downed the rest of it.

Thor looked as if he were unsure whether to be pleased or perturbed— despite advocating for it, he clearly hadn’t prepared himself for what might happen if Tony actually agreed. Loki merely looked smug. Which instantly aroused suspicion in Tony. Loki was never merely anything.

“Well then. Shall we begin?” The manipulative little bastard rose from his seat, tipped his head back and finished his scotch in one long, elegant motion (Tony’s eyes drawn to his elongated pale throat, to the motions of him swallowing above the collar. Ugh, tease.)

Then Loki’s words caught up with him. 

“Uh wait, sorry, you mean to do this right now? Like, in front of me? I do have cameras, you know, I could just review your assignment later and send you my corrections via email...” It was half a joke.

“Why bother? You’re already here. And considering we were so _coincidentally_ interrupted earlier,” Loki mused, circling round the table. Tony unwittingly froze, not expecting to feel cool fingertips trailing over his shoulders as Loki passed him by. He watched Loki approach Thor, who turned to let Loki stand between his casually spread knees. 

“What say you, brother?” Loki asked, voice low. His back was to Tony, so there was no telling what look he was giving Thor. An unconvinced rumble came from the vicinity of Thor’s chest as he shot a suspicious glance over to Tony, before Loki reached out a long, strangely graceful hand and guided his jaw back to center. 

Despite himself, Tony was intrigued. And already more than a little turned on. Even if Big Brother Grimm didn’t want him there, Loki sure seemed to enjoy the idea. Or at least enjoyed making Tony _think_ he enjoyed the idea. 

And even though Tony’s conscience was telling him to get up off that chair and walk back into the elevator, stat… his legs were, oddly enough, not moving. Hm.   

“Yes, fine.” Thor acquiesced. “Where?”

“Right here will do fine,” Loki declared, and before anyone else could react, he was smoothly unwrapping his tunic and letting it fall from his shoulders. Tony gulped. 

_Hell, meet handbasket._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’ve made a mess of you, brother.”
> 
> “We’ve done far worse,” Loki demurred, before glancing over at Tony. “Shall we give the mortal an intermission?”
> 
> Tony waved them on, not bothering to hide the tent in his lap. “Bon voyage, boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a friendly reminder that this is a WIP; one that I don't have any intention of finishing anytime soon (if ever). There is one more mostly-finished chapter after this, and then who knows. I like the story a lot but I've got other, bigger things on my plate.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated and knowing there's interest will probably make it more likely that I continue, but anyone who straight up hassles me for more will be unrepentantly trolled. Read at your own risk!

It was just past three-fifteen in the morning and Tony Stark was staring at his ceiling fan. Insomnia was an old if not good friend— recently downgraded from the type of buddy who drinks your last beer to the type of buddy who drunkenly steals your car and runs over your dog. But this time, it wasn’t the same old nightmares keeping his beauty sleep at bay.

No, this time he had a puzzle to solve. Kept turning the same thoughts over and over, obsessively. Trying to see the patterns. Trying to work it all out. Trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him, and how compromised he might be.

Tony knew the truth— that he should've walked out of that room as soon as he registered a half-naked Loki at twelve o’clock. But he didn’t. He’d stayed. He’d stayed and then some. And now, he didn’t quite know how to feel about it. He’d just become the biggest idiot-slash-hypocrite in New York. Maybe the whole Eastern Seaboard. It’s not that his plan didn’t have merit: from a logistical standpoint, it was fairly solid.

No, what worried him was why he was so quick to give into it.

Tony sighed, adjusting his pillow fruitlessly. Well, if he was a hypocrite, might as well bask in it. He shut his eyes and hit replay yet again, succumbing to the images that immediately washed over him.

 

_Several hours earlier._

Tony’s eyes instantly fixated upon the definition of Loki’s arms and back— pleased that his assessment earlier had turned out to be exceptionally correct. 

The whole Leather Daddy Legolas ensemble he’d worn to his would-be world domination had neatly obscured the fact that, while Loki understandably looked wimpy next to Thor— nobody was immune to that phenomenon— little brother really was no slouch in the fitness department. Tall and toned with the lithe build of a runner, or maybe a yoga teacher. Shoulders just broad enough to contrast nicely with that slim waist and, huh, quite the pert little ass in those tight leather breeches. 

Sure, he was no compact Rogers Dorito with the kind of glutes you could bounce babies on, and yeah, he probably had a Vitamin D deficiency, but oof… he couldn’t believe he was thinking this, but Loki clearly had it goin’ on. Loki was _svelte_.

Thor obviously agreed, his big hands coming up to clutch possessively at Loki’s hips— and okay, now Tony was maybe starting to sweat. 

“Stark…” Loki turned to look at him in full predator mode. “I do hope you’re prepared.”

“Pff. Yawn. Boring. Just get on with it already,” Tony bluffed, dragging a chair a little ways back to where he could better see what was happening between them. Gotta frame the shot, after all, and it seemed prudent to get out of the splash zone. 

“And since this is your audition, might I remind you to act normal-ish. Pretend I’m not here. Seriously.”

Loki merely smiled; half-lidded, close-lipped and entirely too cat-that-ate-the-canary for Tony’s liking.

“Loki,” Thor’s voice was insistent.

Loki turned his attention from Tony, the full force of it back upon Thor. “Ah yes. Where were we…”

He reached out to unbuckle Thor’s chest plate, and— oh, huh, that did actually come off in one piece, how expedient. Thor’s form-fitting linen undershirt came next, and then, hot damn. That was a _lot_ of man. A lot of god. Whatever. Tony’s eyes might have widened a little. He’d seen plenty of Thor’s basketball-sized biceps in action already, but seeing him shirtless was the literal stuff of bodice-ripper wet dreams.

And then Thor was pulling Loki closer and, oh wow, biting and sucking at his rather bitable, suckable hips. Moving swiftly up Loki’s lean torso to tease a dusky pink nipple with his tongue and teeth. Damn, his short-cropped beard looked soft, that had to feel pretty nice. Thor’s massive hands slid down to grab Loki’s ass, kneading and claiming. Sending a pretty unsubtle message to Tony. 

Who shifted in his seat, feeling the telltale stirring in his groin that only meant trouble. He didn’t normally dig that possessive alpha male bullshit— but for some reason, with these two it was really fucking hot. God, this really was his most terrible, greatest idea.

Loki gave a muted groan of protest as Thor leaned back and tugged at the waistband of Loki’s breeches, which were doing little to disguise the beginnings of a sizable erection. “Off,” Thor ordered, and there was no tease in his voice to lessen the blow.

Loki smirked, slow and smug, unlacing the front of his breeches just as Thor did the same to himself, and… okay, well, either they’d not bothered to put them back on after Tony’s interruption, or Asgardians really just didn’t believe in undergarments. 

Unlike Thor, Loki was smooth in the chest and just about everywhere else, but he still had a sexy, dark trail of hair leading down from his navel, framing an uncut cock that was well on its way to full-flag— and god, was he ever _hung_. That thing was a damn anaconda, flushed an appealing rosy shade that made it only slightly less intimidating. Yeah, he could see why Loki expected people to kneel— Tony was almost moved to give it a salute. 

Thor had taken his own dick in hand, giving it a few healthy tugs, as if it needed any encouragement. Even with his huge hand wrapped around it, he was clearly just as long and even thicker than Loki— a flushed head and thick-veined shaft rising from a thatch of deep blonde, close-cropped curls. 

Tony was suddenly glad that he wasn’t actually participating in this venture, because damn, that was some Olympic level dick. Olympian, even. He certainly had nothing to be ashamed of, but the thought of trying to fit either of those monstrous cocks into any of his own orifices was daunting. Not that he wouldn’t attempt it anyway. Not that anyone was asking…

Loki wet his lips and did that weird fucking jaw thing that Tony was very much trying not to be attracted to. Gave his cock a lingering stroke that was far more sensual than the efficient pump Thor seemed to prefer. (Then again, he was also the one putting on a show.)

“What will it be, brother?” 

That rough, sensual voice was not even fair. And Jesus, what kinky fucks, still calling each other “brother” during sex— all of which Tony was horribly fine with.

Thor leaned back in his chair, his previous wariness gone— princely cockiness back on display now that he had his dick out. Fair enough. “Well, Loki,” he tilted his head, pursing his lips. “I think we ought to prove how well you’re progressing. Let’s have you on your knees.”

Tony caught the tic in Loki’s jaw, how his nostrils flared— he didn’t think it was entirely from annoyance at being told to submit, but who knew with Loki. He seemed about to protest, then his eyes darted briefly in Tony’s direction and his expression smoothed over. 

“Yes, of course.”

He sank down gracefully between Thor’s spread legs and Tony’s mouth went dry. 

Part of him wanted to protest that Loki doing something against his will was counter to the goal here. But at the same time, Tony sensed that Loki had something to prove— that he could be good and obedient, if he so chose. That he could assert himself and wasn’t being coerced. Still, Tony knew it probably rankled, taking a subservient position in front of company. _Yep, it’s a real pickle, Lolo._

Ultimately, selfishly, Tony really just wanted to see this, so he said nothing.

Loki cradled Thor’s sac in one hand and wrapped the other around the base of Thor’s dick— and were those a few cute little freckles he could see on the shaft? Of course, Thor sunbathed nude; no tan-lines on the guy. 

Thor let his legs fall open a little wider, encumbered only slightly by his armored breeches. Tony got to see Loki eye-fucking Thor before sinking his mouth onto that eager, massive dick. Oh boy, that’s definitely gonna be burned into his mind for years to come.

Tony shifted uncomfortably as his erection grew more insistent with every lick and suck Loki gave to his brother’s cock. He was really going to town, starting to take it in deeper— pretty soon he had the whole damn thing down his throat, burying his nose in Thor’s curls as he clutched at Thor’s thighs.

Thor was sucking in slow breaths with deep, pleased rumbles, hips twitching forward, nipples hard even in the relative warmth of the room. He looked every bit a god; it wasn’t hard to see why even his brother would be willing to get on his knees for him. Tony bit back a noise as Loki gagged a little, pulled back just far enough to gasp for air, then dove right back down. Jesus Christ, he was made for sucking cock. 

Loki’s own dick was still jutting up from the vee of his open breeches, starting to gleam with a bead of pre come. Tony could see a matching gleam at the corner of Loki’s eye— even gods weren’t immune to the deep-throat tears, evidently. His jeans were growing incredibly tight and he was gonna have to do something about it pretty soon— not that he was altogether sure he wanted to play that card too early.

And Tony had to admit, as Thor took a fistful of Loki’s hair and grunted, slowly rocking his groin forward into Loki’s mouth— they looked pretty fucking hot together. It was kind of unfair. 

And face-fucking was clearly not new to them; guess after three hundred years, few things probably were. Loki seemed to be encouraging Thor to let loose, and it wasn’t long before Thor was standing with Loki kneeling before him, dark head tilted back, that huge dick ramming down his throat at a pretty respectable pace, bulging in Loki’s throat above the heavy golden collar, which was hot as fuck— and oh god, Thor’s ass and thighs in motion were something else. 

Even worse were the tears running down Loki’s cheeks, the saliva dripping from his chin and the pre come running down his cock— the flaring of his nostrils as he took occasional breaths in time with Thor’s thrusts. His cuffed hands were held obediently behind his back as if shackled together, without any prompting from Thor. Tony could smell the sex on them, could tell the air was thick with pheromones that were lighting him up like a Christmas tree. The whole scene was _doing things_ to him.

And through the haze of lust, he suddenly knew exactly why proud, secretive Loki was letting him see this kind of submission. Sure, perhaps he genuinely wanted to make it seem like he could be good just so he could keep having his cake and fucking it too. But Loki had pride in excess— he wouldn’t go out of his way to be so vulnerable unless he wanted Tony to underestimate him. Wanted Tony to be so clouded by lust, so cocky, so convinced that Thor had Loki under his thumb; maybe even convinced that _he_ , Tony, could also have Loki under his thumb. Wanted to distract Tony the best way he’d figured how, then wait for him to make a mistake.

_Well, kiddo. I’m impressed, but you’ve got another thing coming. As it turns out, I can multitask._

Tony finally had to give in and press the heel of his hand to his groin to try and relieve some of the tension. Loki had opened his eyes and was blinking through the tears, staring up at Thor. Those big hands cradling Loki’s jaw were too much— ugh, why were they so fucking attractive together.

Tony finally gave in and dragged down his fly— he could almost see Loki’s ears perk up, whereas Thor was deep in his own world, hips growing a bit erratic as his chest flushed red. He was getting close— which Tony would have been a little disappointed by, had he not already figured out from his surveillance that these guys could go at it multiple times, with very little refractory period. Men everywhere would rejoice if Tony could only bottle Asgardian stamina…

Loki moaned, garbled as it was by Thor’s dick, and Thor came with a harsh groan that sounded a whole lot like “brother”, pulling back enough to spill most of his load onto Loki’s tongue. Tony’s eyes widened as he saw just how long Thor came for— after the first several spurts, he pulled back further and a thick rope hit Loki on the chin, across his lips. Loki swallowed his mouthful with an audible, husky moan and pursued Thor’s cock like he just couldn’t get enough, sucking him clean until Thor hissed with overstimulation and dropped back into his chair, panting.

Loki just stayed kneeling, using two fingers to delicately collect Thor’s cum from his dripping chin before lapping it off. Licked his lips and gave Thor a devious, close-mouthed grin. His cock was still hard, leaking down into his lap. Thor reached forward to wipe the tears off his cheeks in a gesture so tender that Tony almost felt uncomfortable watching, then sat back, laughing.

“We’ve made a mess of you, brother.”

“We’ve done far worse,” Loki demurred, before glancing over at Tony. “Shall we give the mortal an intermission?”

Tony waved them on, not bothering to hide the tent in his lap. “Bon voyage, boys.”

Loki looked him dead in the eye and smirked— _he thinks he’s got me now_ — before turning back to Thor. “And does the mighty thunderer need to catch his breath?”

Thor’s response was to scowl in mock-anger, then yank Loki to his feet. Before Tony could process what was about to happen, he’d hoisted Loki onto the table, held him down on his back, and was now literally ripping his breeches down off his thighs. Tony’s mouth went dry at the show of force, not to mention the sudden appearance of so much pale skin. 

Aside from his happy trail, Loki really was smooth _everywhere_. The angle highlighted the peaks of his hip bones, the lean, solid muscle of his thighs, the prominent vein running up the underside of his twitching cock. Who would’ve thunk, he was pretty nicely put-together once you got past all the weird hair and egomaniacal bullshit. (You should know better Tony, it’s _always_ the crazy ones.)

From Loki’s sharp noise of surprise, he hadn’t expected the move either, but as soon as he caught his breath, he was laughing. 

“Ah, I should have known you’d want to show off in front of company.”

Thor looked back at him, leaving the breeches tangled round his knees, which were still hanging off the table. “Quiet, pest,” he ordered with a grin, reaching for his discarded undershirt and twisting it into a rope, then pressing it against Loki’s lips. “I forget you always need something to do with your mouth.”

Loki let Thor shove the makeshift gag between his teeth, head lolling sideways to glance at Tony— who, despite his best intentions, was filthily turned on at the notion of Loki sucking and chewing on Thor’s shirt. 

Loki’s pale eyes glimmered with satisfaction for a moment before he was distracted by Thor taking his cock in hand and jerking it roughly, even with the lubrication of his own emissions easing the way. Loki’s back arched and he made a harsh cry into the gag, his hands reaching down to grasp for purchase on the table. Thor gave him a few more hard strokes, then bent forward and returned Loki’s favor.

Tony finally gave in and slipped his dick free from its confines, giving it a much-needed stroke. Oh god, that was good, watching Thor’s plush lips envelop Loki’s cock— the now-familiar sight of his scruff against Loki’s skin and his big hands on Loki’s hips sending a jolt of lust right through Tony. 

Loki was making all kinds of sexy little noises into his gag, ranging from sultry, masculine moans and guttural grunts to tense, muffled cries and high-pitched whimpers. Tony could probably come from just listening to him. But he had a feeling this was just the pre-show, and he definitely wanted to save a little steam for the main act.

Surprisingly, Thor seemed just as adept as Loki in this department— somehow, Tony had expected him to be a little less enthusiastic about giving head. There was no facefucking, but he did take Loki in to the hilt a few times with relative ease, with plenty of teasing and playing with his tongue. Guess after three hundred years, they also had a pretty damn good handle on what the other was into. Tony imagined them younger, going at it like wild animals after a fight, locking their horns— a good hard fuck while they were still hissing and spitting. 

His dick throbbed at the thought, which paired nicely with the current visual of Thor holding Loki’s hips down as he licked and teased the ever-loving fuck out of his cock. Loki all but growled, and it was feral enough, close enough to his fantasy that Tony couldn’t help a bitten-back moan of his own. Loki’s eyes were on him in an instant, gleaming, still sharp, though the haze of lust had taken a bit of the edge off. 

Tony gave himself a long, deliberate stroke, tilted his head back just slightly in challenge. He idly wondered if Loki ever went fully _gone_ — no more schemes, just fucked-out bliss. For all his creativity, he had a hard time picturing it.

Loki gave him the once over, seemed to bite the gag harder at something Thor was doing— Tony wasn’t really paying attention— then held Tony’s gaze as he reached out to grab Thor’s hair and thrust up into his mouth. Thor just slammed him back down against the table, not appearing to have noticed their exchange, and Loki made a nice ‘ngggh’ into the gag, eyes sliding shut for a moment before peering back at Tony through dark slits. He had a good flush going in his cheeks and chest now, all messy black hair and rosy skin and the heavy gold ornate detail of that collar.

Tony smirked. _A little show for me? Aw, Lokes, you shouldn’t have._

He settled back in his chair, one arm over the backrest, spreading his legs just a bit. And he had to say, the obscene noises of Thor’s oral ministrations were providing a rather nice backdrop to their silent showdown. Loki angled his brow just a little, almost a manic grin around the gag. He didn’t need to be able to speak to be an annoying shit.

Tony just smirked harder, spat into his palm and gave his dick another good, luxurious stroke for Loki’s sake. _Come on, you bastard. Are you convinced yet? You think you’ve got me hooked?_ Loki’s nostrils flared just slightly and his grin faded as he watched Tony intently, as if trying to pry him apart. Oh, this was a fun game. But Tony needed to sell it, with just enough resistance to be believable. Couldn’t make it seem too easy or Loki wouldn’t buy it. Being his usual flirtatious, combative self seemed to be the right move. And Loki was right… it would probably take more than once. Terrible, really.

Thor seemed to sense Loki’s distraction after another minute— he had, after all, gone suspiciously quiet while staring down Tony, which gave Tony a little more insight into just how performative all those little noises had likely been.

Loki slowly tore his gaze away from Tony, propping himself up on his elbows as he looked down at Thor, playfully spitting out the gag onto his chest with a soft whuff of air. “Is your jaw aching already, brother? I suppose it has been a while since I’ve had you this way.”

“My jaw is in fine shape, but I sense there’s something else you’re after.”

Thor wasn’t entirely fooled— he could clearly tell Loki had been eyeing up Tony. It was less obvious whether Thor realized that Loki _wanted_ him to know; it’s not like he’d tried very hard to hide it. Either way, Thor didn’t seem as upset as Tony might have expected.

“What do you think you know,” Loki challenged, eyes flashing, but it was clearly part of the routine. 

Thor just laughed, manhandling him once more until Loki was facedown on the table, his arms bent back and pinioned with one massive hand. Thor knelt down behind him and nudged his thighs further apart, grabbing one asscheek and spreading him open with little ceremony before diving in with his tongue.

“Mm,” he moaned against Loki’s skin, even as Loki inhaled sharply. “You’re still open from earlier. Waiting for me to finish the job, weren’t you?”

_Oh, fuck me that’s hot._

Tony hadn’t been sure where in the process he’d caught them— for all he’d known, Asgardian foreplay might last fifteen seconds or it might last an hour. So it was a hell of a realization that this whole time, Loki had been sitting there calmly sipping his Ardbeg, hyper-aware of just how interrupted their previous session had been. Probably where he got this idea in the first place, why he’d been so eager to get on with it right here and now— his ass was already been primed and ready to go and Tony had cock-blocked him at the last minute. It was funny, because they both surely deserved the torment, but it was also pretty damn sexy.

And he had to say, for someone who carried himself like a fairly heterosexual combination of charming jock and uptight alien royalty, Thor sure didn’t waste time going down— and he was more of a dirty talker than Tony had anticipated. Maybe his initial assessment was right and they really were cut from Shakespearean cloth. Or maybe he’d just been picking up so many bad boy vibes off Loki that Thor’s hadn’t even registered.

Speaking of Loki’s vibes, he was clearly loving this— while desperately trying to pretend he wasn’t. Yep, called that one. He bucked his hips back against Thor, then strained forward, but Thor had set him up cleverly— his cock was twitching in futility underneath the table, no relief to be found there. Normally Tony would protest at his furniture being used so carelessly in any shenanigans not involving himself, but well… he felt pretty involved at this point.

“Hold them there,” Thor instructed, as he relinquished his grip on Loki’s wrists to better spread him open with both hands. A tremor ran down Loki’s leg and he growled under his breath. Tony couldn’t see his face like this, but his body language said enough. He obeyed Thor’s command for a moment, but as soon as Thor had busied himself once more, Loki’s hands started to drift.

There came a swift teasing smack to Loki’s asscheek as Thor shook his head, biting the other cheek and making Loki twitch. 

“I said, hold them.”

This time, Loki listened, but Tony was pretty sure he was debating how much he wanted to push it in front of Tony— he’d bet good money that spankings were no awful punishment to Loki. 

But Thor was _really_ going to town on him now; alternating between licking him with broad, forceful strokes and sucking noisily on his rim, squeezing and smacking his ass with enthusiastic growls as he fucked his tongue inside. Lapping at him and groaning like he’d never had something so damn good in his mouth before. If he’d enjoyed sucking Loki’s cock, it was clear he was even more thrilled to be eating him out.

Of course, Thor would be an ass man. 

Tony felt himself squirming right along with Loki as Thor worked him over, watching that eager tongue plunge into Loki again and again. Hearing Loki groan and whimper, his thighs flexing and his hips shaking, even the muscles of his lower back visibly tense. Goddamn, this was turning out to be a hell of a show.

And then, because he didn’t do anything by half, it seemed, Thor spat in his hand, bringing it down between Loki’s legs to wrap around his cock. Loki’s hips did a nice little involuntary jerk as he moaned and gripped his own cuffed wrists.

Tony watched, mesmerized, as Thor played him expertly, stroking him just shy of too rough, licking around his entrance before shoving his tongue deep inside once more. Loki’s breathing grew steadily rougher as the minutes passed, little moans escaping him as he panted. A few plaintive whines that sounded like “Thor” and “brother” and once, with feeling, “ _damn_ you, Odinson.”

Loki seemed to be getting close, what with the tremor in his thighs that came more and more frequently. Tony couldn’t have torn his eyes away if he tried. And then Thor was unceremoniously bullying two fingers inside him, and Loki gave a taut cry. A few seconds later, he stiffened even further and came all over Thor’s hand and the floor below the table, in several long pulses that had Tony’s eyes widening with each consecutive one.

Oh yeah, he was making Dum-E clean that up. Actually… hm. Note to self: collect DNA sample. Could be handy. 

Thor stood and reached for Loki’s shoulder, hauling him up until he was sitting on the table. (Goddamnit, the _teak_ , you guys… ah fuck. He really should get everything in here replaced with non-porous materials.) Loki was clearly still catching his breath but Thor just scooped one massive hand around the back of his brother’s head and hauled him in for a rough, open mouthed kiss. 

One of Loki’s hands flew up to Thor’s chest like he was going to push him away, but then he ended up clutching at Thor’s neck and pulling him in closer, spreading his knees as much as he could as Thor covered his body possessively, their leggings still tangled around their calves. Neither of them were wearing shoes, which struck him as frighteningly domestic. Loki’s knees drew in to pin Thor’s hips between them, which Thor tolerated for a moment before he broke their kiss and pulled back to rip Loki’s breeches the rest of the way off.

He settled between Loki’s legs, and from this angle, Tony could just barely see that his cock was hard once again, pressed into the crook of Loki’s thigh. Thor leaned in to suck at Loki’s neck between his ear and the collar, and one of his hands hitched Loki’s legs higher up on his hip. Tony now had a prime view of Thor wetting two of his fingers in Loki’s mouth, then bringing them down between Loki’s legs and stroking at his entrance once more.

Loki’s gaze fell on Tony once again, which was convenient as he’d nearly forgotten to breathe for a moment there. He was also pretty sure he caught a bit of panic on Loki’s face before it was smoothed over with a haughty moue. He hadn’t been able to see any of Loki’s expression while Thor was going down on him, so it was interesting to catch it now. _Hmm, so you_ are _a little nervous at letting me see you all spread open and naughty like this, aren’t you? That’s cute. Calling your bluffs left and right, Loki-doki._

“Don’t bother, Thor,” Loki inhaled sharply as one of Thor’s thick fingers breached him again. “I’m plenty ready, get on with it.” He rummaged with one hand into the folds of the tunic he’d discarded earlier, producing a small glass bottle from its depths. 

Thor seemed to agree. He held out his hand for Loki to pour the oil onto, then gave his dick a couple firm strokes and lined himself up. “Are you sure you can handle me like this, brother? I remember how tight you were just an hour ago.” He teased, and Tony almost laughed at the flush that came to Loki’s cheeks, even as he scowled.

“Get on with it, or I might let him have a turn,” with a meaningful glance at Tony.

That shut Thor up. He scoffed, then took hold of Loki’s hips and slid home in one long, fluid movement.

Loki’s back arched off the table immediately, and he bit down on his lip, muffling what could have easily been a wail of pain or pleasure. Tony couldn’t believe his eyes— how the hell had he just taken that entire monster cock. Collar or not, evidently Loki’s ass had some magic of its own.

Thor stayed flush against him for a moment, as if steeling himself against the onslaught of sensation, then began to move. And oh god, the sound of his hips gaining momentum, the slapping of their skin together as he buried himself to the hilt with each thrust. Loki moaned freely, no gag to stop him, before making a fist and biting down on his knuckle as Thor picked up the pace.

Tony was jerking himself steadily now, mesmerized by the slide of Thor’s cock into that greedy, perfect ass. Goddamn, it felt so dirty to watch, this forbidden tryst being unveiled for his eyes only. Hell of a private show; this was surely gonna ruin porn for him for a good long time. Loki was making these tight little punched noises, still biting his fist as Thor rammed into him. 

Thor stopped just long enough to hoist Loki’s legs up over his shoulders. 

Now the noises got real good, an agonized cry ripping itself from Loki like he’d just been hit with a cattle prod. Thor had clearly hit the spot. Tony could tell he was trying to wiggle away from the intensity of it but Thor was holding him steady, giving no quarter— those big hands grabbing his thighs tight to keep him from sliding up the table. And goddamn, that perfect muscular ass as he started to really work his hip game, playing with the angle to see how many different noises he could wring out of Loki. 

Then, with little warning, Thor started to slow down until his cock was all but inching its way in and out of Loki. Tony leaned forward, intrigued. Realized maybe now was a good time to grab a cocktail napkin, because… yeah.

Loki seemed to know what was going on, groaning in frustration. “Thor, I’m not in the mood for your foolish games.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?” Thor remarked sweetly, continuing to take his time. “You have to learn to ask nicely for what you want. Show our host how humbly you can beg.”

Oh yes. Now _this_ is what Tony was here to see. _Thor, you are Allspeaking my language._

Loki looked furious for a moment before he managed to school his expression, eyes darting briefly over to Tony as if he couldn’t help himself. Yep, Loki clearly only wanted Tony to see when _he_ was in control— and this was evidently not what he’d envisioned. Hm. Careful, Thor…

“I will not.”

“Then I suppose this is how slow we’ll go,” Thor agreed, swiveling his hips just enough to make Loki gasp but not nearly enough to satisfy him. “All you have to do is swear you will behave yourself while you’re here on Earth.”

Loki gave him a shit-eating grin, his ire already pushed aside. “What about here in this room? Are we not misbehaving at this very moment?”

Tony couldn’t help but laugh under his breath, and even Thor smiled, though he didn’t let up his slow teasing pace. “Maybe not _this_ room. Possibly the bedroom may be exempt as well. We must allow for a little mischief…” 

Despite himself, Tony was starting to get a glimpse of something. Before Loki turned into a homicidal, world-conquering maniac. Before Thor became a valiant hero tasked with bringing his brother to justice. The incest gave it a bit of an odd flavor, sure, but for a moment… they were almost just like brothers. He _knew_ that of course, but knowing it and really seeing it were two different things.

“Very well. I will endeavor to behave myself beyond the confines of our quarters, is that satisfactory?”

“I don’t know, is _this_ satisfactory?” Thor asked, grinding to a halt, sheathed fully within Loki. 

Tony’s mouth twitched. Despite his earlier frustrations, he was developing a new respect for the guy.

Loki’s mouth set in a hard line. “Thor,” he demanded, although Tony sensed he was a little bit amused and trying very hard not to show it. “Enough.”

“Oh? Are we finished then?” Thor started pulling out, and Loki honest to god growled. “All you have to do is swear to Tony and myself that you will be well-behaved. And then beg me for my cock.”

Loki shot an aggrieved look to Tony, who just shook his head. “Not getting any help from me, pal.” He held up his hands. “You should probably just beg him for it, at least that’ll satisfy me somewhat on the ‘consent’ portion of the proceedings.”

Loki smirked, nastily. “Oh, I don’t think it’d even that take much to satisfy you, Stark.”

Thor filled him swiftly, and that sure shut him up. For a moment. 

“If you want any more than, that you’ll have to earn it,” Thor cautioned, and Loki just laughed, hysterically, until he made a sudden cry. Tony didn’t catch what had caused it, but then it happened again, albeit with Loki gritting his teeth this time, and he realized Thor was flexing his cock inside Loki. Oh good god.

Loki’s head dropped back against the table and he pressed the heel of his hand against his eye as he groaned. Thor didn’t let up, giving what had to be one of the most frustrating fucks Tony had ever seen. Finally, Loki let out a small wail, and then a broken, “Thor…”

“Beg me, brother.” Thor spoke, voice low and deliciously rough. “Or I will leave you and take my pleasure by my own hand.”

Loki made another frustrated noise through his teeth, his nostrils flaring. Tony had let his own cock go slightly neglected in favor of not finishing way ahead of them, but he couldn’t help teasing himself a little at the sight of Loki so worked up. Thor was playing him like a damn fiddle, and damn, it was nice to watch.

“Brother,” Loki groaned, “Cease this foolishness.”

“Beg, Loki.”

“I— ”

“ _Beg_.”

Loki bit his lip but then Thor did his flexing trick again and he stared at Thor in hot defiance. Something passed between them, and with quiet intensity, Loki articulated, “Give me your cock, I beg of you.” 

Thor shook his head, swiveled his hips just enough to not provide any real satisfaction. “Louder. So he can hear it.”

“Give me your cock— ”

“Louder!”

“— I beg of you!” Loki burst out, all seething rage, face and chest aflame, but he didn’t have time to wallow in either his embarrassment or his anger because Thor was instantly _fucking_ him, good god, driving into him like a goddamn jackhammer, all terrifying force and inhuman grace, a Hadron collider in the body of a Greek statue.

Tony knew no living soul would ever believe him if he claimed he’d seen Loki, would-be world conqueror and notorious asshole, split on his brother’s cock and wailing to wake the dead, but there it was, folks. They were both breathing heavy; Loki’s being all but forced from his lungs, Thor’s as harsh and deep as a racehorse who’d just swept the Belmont by twenty-seven lengths and wasn’t stopping anytime soon.

Thor growled all of a sudden and hoisted Loki up, spinning him around as he sat down heavily in his discarded chair, using his knees to force Loki’s legs apart as he pulled him against his torso, Loki’s back to his front. It happened so fast Tony could barely make sense of it, but then Loki was leaning back against Thor’s chest, already impaled once more, Thor’s hips fucking up into him, and holy mother of money shots, the _view_. Loki’s cock bobbed up against his stomach as Thor rammed into him from beneath, his thighs spread wide with Thor’s hands gripping his hips, forcing him down hard to deepen the thrusts.

Loki looked at Tony with eyes wide and frantic, and then quickly glanced away, his face burning, wrapping an arm back around Thor’s neck for balance as he gasped and groaned. 

Tony was speechless. Thor had been greedy before, but now it was like he was trying to show Loki off. Tony wasn’t sure whose benefit it was for, but he wasn’t about to complain. Now Loki had to actively work to avoid looking at Tony while Thor nuzzled against his ear.

“You’re going to be so very good for Tony whenever I’m gone, aren’t you?” Thor was huffing out, and Loki’s face seemed to redden even more. “Someone has to keep you in line. And now he’s seen you at your very finest, Loki. Now he’s seen you beg.”

Loki grit his teeth but he couldn’t seem to muster the will to argue with Thor, the very words being fucked right out of him. He squeezed his eyes shut, and was that a glimmer of a tear at the corner? Tony almost felt a pang of sympathy for him— he hadn’t anticipated that _shame_ kink was where Thor was going to go with all this. Was Loki even into it? Did they have safewords on Asgard?— but then Thor, seeming to read his mind, shot Tony a wink.

_All right, big guy… withholding judgment for the moment._

“Come now, Loki,” Thor cajoled, switching tactics, though he was still fucking him at almost a punishing pace. “Who wouldn’t want to see you like this? Who wouldn’t want to take care of you? Who wouldn’t want to have you as I have you?” 

Loki seemed to hiss at this, but he was still sinking eagerly into Thor’s thrusts, had moved one hand to his stiff, dripping cock, gripping hard as if to stave off releasing too soon.

“As ever, you take my cock so beautifully, brother,” Thor was groaning now, ceasing his thrusting for a moment to grind up into Loki, drawing a long cry from him. “Yes, so very good. And now he sees it too, doesn’t he? Now he knows how good you can be.” Another quick thrust or two, then Thor was giving him the business once more, a slightly different angle that Tony sensed was calculated to make him come. A sharper cry from Loki seemed to confirm this.

Loki’s teeth were bared now, gritting so hard that Tony was certain he’d have a sore jaw later, if the facefucking hadn’t already done it. “ _Thor_ ,” he warned, though it sounded so desperate, so needy, so unbearably raw that Tony almost came then and there. He forced himself to stop jerking, if only because he didn’t want to miss this. Just barely remembered the cocktail napkin on his knee. Yeah, now might be the time— 

“Not yet, Loki— ” Thor growled and gripped his hips harder, rutting into him like a goddamn stallion. “Not yet. Show Tony how good you can be.”

The words seemed to have the opposite effect, which was certainly what Thor intended, for Loki’s panicked, blown-dark gaze instantly darted over to Tony— who was feeling pretty damn hot under the collar himself, stroking his dick just enough to keep right on the edge.

They locked eyes for one startled, intense moment before Loki’s vision seemed to go distant and his jaw clenched. He threw himself back against Thor’s red, sweating torso and gave a broken, guttural cry, squeezing his eyes shut as he gripped his dick hard at the base, all to no avail. 

Thor gave a powerful thrust and Tony watched in hunger as Loki’s hips began to stutter uncontrollably, mouth going slack in ecstasy as he gave in and stroked himself through it, decorating his own chest with jet after jet of come. His eyes slid open, unseeing, completely glazed over, his hair disheveled and curling around his face. He looked wrecked. Absolutely destroyed.

Shit, Tony registered through the haze of his own pleasure. Thor did it. He’d fucked Loki out of his goddamn mind.

Thor roared and slammed their hips together once, twice more, but Tony was too busy thrusting into his own fist to clock all the details, his orgasm hitting him hard as all hell. He bit down hard on his lip, trying to keep quiet but a low groan still managed to escape. Oh fuck, oh fuck. This was so bad. Fuck. Oh shit. Had he managed to catch everything in the napkin? Ah, to hell with it. He didn’t care about anything right now. God, that felt amazing.

When he could make sense of the world around him again, he realized that Thor had pulled out of Loki and not only was he still hard— Jesus, they were _both_ still hard— but he was sliding his fingers around and into Loki’s open, gaping ass, slicking his fingers with the come dripping out from inside his brother.

In the midst of the afterglow, Tony was astounded at Thor’s stamina— what’d he expected, really?— and Loki just seemed too fucked-out to protest, though he was doing this cute little nose wrinkle as he whined and gasped. Probably so sensitive, but god, even though Tony’d already come, this was nice to watch. Seriously, how the _fuck_ was Loki still hard?

“You came before I told you, brother,” Thor chastised fondly, and his fingers made an obscene squelch as he slid two fingertips inside Loki. “Do you want for more? Or shall we save something for the morning?”

A small, strangled groan escaped Loki, his dark, sweaty head lolling to the side. “I do as I please,” he remarked as haughtily as he could, under the circumstances. “And if I am not yet satisfied, let us remember who is to blame.” 

Tony snorted. His dick might be hard but Loki looked like he needed a nap more than anything. Maybe that was Thor’s angle— keep him too tired to get up to anything bad.

Thor gave a fond laugh, removing his fingers and settling his hand protectively, fondly over Loki’s cock— running his other hand over Loki’s stomach through one of the ribbons of his come. He held it to Loki’s lips and Loki’s nose wrinkled again, a lazy arm coming up to bat it away. 

“M’ not a _barbarian_ ,” he complained, suddenly about as intimidating as a sleepy kitten, and goddamnit but Tony couldn’t help ducking his head to hide a smile as he finished wiping himself up, easing his spent cock back into his pants. He’d need to shower in a bit, but at least he wasn’t a gingerbread-frosted mess like Reindeer Games over there. 

(He also couldn’t believe they’d each come twice in the last half hour, which meant that all the other sessions that Jarvis had clocked at an hour to two hours… oh god, he didn’t even want to think about the state of their mattress. He _had_ to know how they did it… the biological implications alone...)

At the movement, Thor looked over at him with an easy, co-conspirator’s grin. “So, Tony Stark,” He began, shifting to allow Loki to close his legs— good timing, as it seemed he was starting to regain some of his senses. “What do you think? Are you satisfied that we can engage in this endeavor without undue terror and destruction?”

Tony laughed, shaking his head slowly as he reached for his glass of scotch. 

“You know… I _might_ have been convinced. Let’s just say, I think you two deserve each other.” He raised his glass to them. “Just. You know. Don’t break everything in here. Or if you have to break something, replace it and for the love of god, don’t tell me about it.”

Loki smirked, gathering his legs under him and rising to his feet with more grace than Tony would have expected, given that he still looked half gone. “Then it was a job well done,” he murmured, turning to Thor. “Though it would seem Thor has a strange idea of how to make a good impression.”

He stretched, arching his back in catlike fashion, and Tony tried not to stare at the rivulet of come running down the inside of his thigh. Jesus _wept_. He’d somehow expected Loki to be more withdrawn or aggressive after all that, but it seemed Asgard’s finest was back on his game, for he threw Tony an edged, not quite flirtatious look.

“Still,” Loki mused, eyes glancing down Tony’s body in a manner which somehow made him feel more exposed than when he’d had his dick out, “I do hope that was somewhat educational. And now, if you don’t mind, I will take my leave.”

Before Tony could formulate a reply, Loki had sauntered off in the direction of the master bedroom and, presumably, the ensuite bathroom. And Tony… maybe watched a little too long. _What was that old chestnut, again? Hate to see you arrive, love to watch you come? Hm…_

“Well,” he exhaled, turning back to Thor. “Yowza.”

Thor grinned over at him, casually crossing an ankle over the opposite knee, his cock thankfully having returned to a state that, while still threatening, at least wasn’t ‘towering godly erection’. His blond hair was darkened with sweat at the root and curled in damp tendrils where it laid over his shoulders, his massive chest still flushed and glowing. The smell of sex was thick in the air, mingling with that ever-present hint of ozone and creosote. 

“You enjoyed yourself?” The lascivious look on Thor’s face was overwhelming to be caught on the business end of.

Tony, never one to blush, did just that. Damnit. “Well… to my credit, I tried not to.” He scratched the back of his neck, sheepish. 

Thor laughed, clearly pleased. “Fear not, my friend— you are a known man of passions, and I think we would have been ill at ease if it did not stir something in you. This isn’t the first time we have allowed ourselves to be watched, but it has easily been some hundred years or more, and in the past, Loki was ever in disguise. I am glad such precautions were not necessary this time.”

Tony let out a low whistle. He _had_ wondered. “Well then. Consider me flattered. I mean, I’ve seen some things in my day, but Loki wasn’t overselling it, you guys are very… shall we say, athletic. I might have expected as much from you, but uh… yeah, your brother’s kind of intense.” That was putting it mildly. 

Thor beamed with pride. “He is truly something else, isn’t he?”

The sound of the shower running the next room over distracted Tony for a moment. He blinked. Was this a trick question? “Yeah… I mean, I would have said ‘yes’ to that question two weeks ago, just for slightly different reasons. May I ask, just how… I mean, _Jesus_ , Thor.” It was all starting to sink in, the layers of gravity and absurdity of the situation.  “How _did_ I just see what I just saw? He let you— I mean. Fuck.”

Thor just continued beaming. “You have no idea how glad I am to have him back. What you all have seen of Loki thus far, how he was when he first came to Earth... he has not always been thus. I am eager for you to see the Loki I have always known. He may be difficult, but he is a worthy challenge.”

Tony frowned, going to run a hand over his chin— before thinking better of it. “So then, what happened to him? What made him all…” he gestured vaguely. “You know, maniacal overlord? You told us he wanted to get back at you by threatening Earth. I just don’t understand how you went from fighting to fucking so quickly. And not like, normal couple fighting— he was trying to _kill_ you. And me, but that’s beside the point.” 

Thor sobered at that, pushing his hair back from his face. It was a bit weird to be having this conversation with a naked, sweaty, gorgeous god of thunder whom Tony’d just watched break the damn sound barrier with his hips. But well… this was his life now, apparently.

“As I said, he… he was not himself, when he arrived here on this planet. I believe there were other forces at play, though I still know far less than I would like. He will not admit as much, but I fear something unspeakable befell Loki in the year we thought him lost to us. Indeed, even before that fateful day where I failed to save him, he… he suffered such a blow that I confess, were it me, I don’t know I would have fared any better.” 

Thor glanced down at the floor with something akin to shame. 

“That he looks upon me again with any fondness, much less has chosen to reignite a fire I thought long extinguished… it is truly remarkable, Tony Stark. And I confess I do not entirely understand what has changed for him so swiftly, knowing he still bears such burdens. I only hope that I am ready to help him this time, should he ask it of me.”

Tony was somewhat taken aback at seeing this pensive side of Thor, and not a little worried by what he was hearing. “I don’t suppose any of those, uh, details you _do_ have would be relevant to share? I mean… what do I need to be prepared for, here?”

Thor just looked at him with a heavy smile, so full of both joy and sorrow that Tony was powerfully reminded he was speaking to a man who had lived for over a millennium and had clearly seen some shit.

“It is not my place to share what little I know. Perhaps in time… well. I do not wish to make false promises. But I do not believe there is an immediate threat at this time, and I will be here for you and the rest of the Avengers as well as my brother. I have not forgotten my oath to protect this world, and I now believe your goals and Loki’s are not so dissimilar as they first appeared. The rest remains to be seen.” Thor stood, and Tony took pains to keep his gaze above the chest. “You are a good man with a generous heart, Tony Stark. I know this was not an easy thing for you to witness, nor to agree to. It was far too bold of me to ask, and far too generous of you to grant. I know Loki has made himself an enemy to you, but I hope it will not always be so. I believe he respects you greatly.”

_Huh. Not quite sure how to feel about that statement._

Thor ambled over, still entirely nude and completely unconcerned. “You have my gratitude. And I know you have his as well.”

Tony shrugged, waving off the thanks. He never knew how to take genuine displays of sincerity and gratitude, especially not from giant strapping men still reeking of sex. “Just don’t make me regret it.”

Thor smiled his megawatt grin and went to clap Tony on the shoulder, catching himself at the last minute. “Actually… ah, perhaps I should not,” he retreated, glancing awry at his hand, probably trying to remember what it had been inside or covered with.

Tony eye-rolled hard. “You know what, Thor?” He shook his head. “You’re absolutely disgusting and you give me too many damn headaches, but despite all that, I still don’t mind you.” He couldn’t help a little smile as Thor gave a surprised guffaw, then a proper belly laugh. 

“Go wash up, Point Break,” he smacked Thor on the arm with his own unsoiled hand, then backed away from the giant naked man. “I’ll leave you guys to it. And just so you know, I _am_ gonna upgrade those window bars to something less heinous. That wasn’t entirely bullshit.”

Thor’s laugh trailed off into a cheeky grin as he shrugged a shoulder. “They’re not that bad, actually. I kind of like them.”

“Sir,” Jarvis cut in after such an extended length of silence that Tony almost jumped. 

“What’s up, J?”

“Dr. Banner is requesting access to the R&D laboratory.” 

“Shit, right. Let him in and tell him I’m on my way. Just uh, I’m gonna go shower, so tell him to make himself comfy for fifteen minutes. Let him know what not to touch.”

“Very well, sir.” 

Tony could sense the judgment in Jarvis’s voice and elected to ignore it for now. Bigger fish to fry. He turned back to Thor. “Alright. Now it probably goes without say, but no more surprises while Bruce is just two stories down. The last thing I need is a Hulk-out because you two shifted the foundation. And uh, no more funny lightning business, either. Not until I can get some readings while you’re…” Tony trailed off, realizing what he’d just implied. “That is, if you don’t mind. It’s for science.”

Thor put his hands on his hips, not bothering to hide his _very_ amused smile. A smile that quickly became wolfish as his tongue briefly flicked up to lick at his canine. “I will ensure Jarvis knows to send you an invitation.”

A little shiver ran down Tony’s spine. He tried to ignore it. “Good. So we understand each other. See, this is how intergalactic negotiations are supposed to be settled. Also, I’m taking this,” Tony gave him a salute with the half-full bottle of Ardbeg as he swiped it from the table and made his way over to the elevator. 

Thor crossed his arms with a slow, meaningful nod. His blue eyes seemed especially piercing, as if lit from behind. “Thank you again, Tony Stark.”

“Don’t break my fucking bed,” Tony retorted, as the doors began to close. The last thing he saw was big, naked Thor with his big, naked dick — creasing with laughter and lazily flipping the bird.

Who _even_ taught him that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s about Loki, as you might have guessed,” Tony took a smaller bite of apple, gesturing as he chewed. “What you probably won’t have guessed is I have it on very good authority that our favorite horned crusader has the hots for his adopted brother.”
> 
> Bruce’s eyebrows raised fractionally. “I’m... not sure I want to ask how you know that.” A perturbed look crossed his face, settling into confusion. “I mean, that’s a bit weird and all, assuming it’s true, but uh… why are you telling me this?”
> 
> Tony just looked at him. Poor, sweet innocent Bruce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief interlude in which Tony has a necessary little chit-chat with Bruce. Back to our regularly scheduled Norse god shenanigans next chapter. All mistakes are mine.

Tony awoke late the next morning, having slept fitfully to say the least. 

He supposed it was partly a consequence of having stayed up late to get Bruce situated in the R&D lab after his little _tête-à-tête_ with the Asgardians. 

He’d certainly been a bit distracted. Definitely felt guilty for not just telling Bruce right then, but he’d barely had time to process it himself— his hair had still been wet from the shower he’d taken to cool down. Not that it helped any. The entire time he was giving Bruce the tour, Tony was having remarkably vivid, intrusive thoughts of Thor bending Loki over Tony’s table and taking him to pound town.

But more to the point, it had been a mistake (unavoidable, but undeniable) for him to lay awake running over the evening’s salacious events, trying to formulate a game plan. Despite his grand intentions, it really hadn’t helped him get any great perspective on the situation— just had gotten him so hot and bothered that he'd had to take care of business again before sleep became a remote option. The spank bank was good for one thing and one thing only, and providing fodder for tactical decision-making was not it.

Tony stretched, scrubbing a hand over his face as he swung his legs out of bed. He needed coffee. And sod the game plan, he needed to talk to Bruce.

Within twenty minutes, Tony had acquired a shot of espresso and pilfered the fridge for an apple and a pre-made smoothie, dark with spirulina. Looked like pond scum, smelled like pond scum, and you guessed it, tasted like absolute pond scum.

He made his way down to the R&D lab, where to absolutely nobody’s surprise, he found Bruce approximately where he’d left him the night before, looking slightly disheveled— though he was wearing a different shirt, so he’d presumably gone to sleep at some point. Or else was taking great pains to make Tony think he had. Hard to say with him.

“Can I call a Science Bros team meeting?” Tony asked, taking a bite of his Pink Lady and idly circling round to where Bruce was analyzing readouts regarding the radiation output of Loki’s scepter.

Bruce glanced up, peering over his glasses. “Yeah, sure. Why the formality, are there any other members you haven’t told me about? Elon Musk, maybe?”

Tony scoffed, swallowing the chunk of apple. “As _if_. He can’t sit with us.” Secretly, he was pleased that Bruce had started to relax enough around him to shoot the shit. _Wonder if that’ll change after this…_

He shook off the thought, leaning against the glass desk and peering over the readouts. “Besides. I’ve got some beans to spill that would curdle his rocket fuel.”

Bruce sat back in his chair, setting the papers down. Finally, he looked properly intrigued. “Spill away.”

“It’s about Loki, as you might have guessed,” Tony took a smaller bite of apple, gesturing as he chewed. “What you probably won’t have guessed is that I have it on very good authority that our favorite horned crusader has the hots for his adopted brother.”

Bruce’s eyebrows raised fractionally. “I’m... not sure I want to ask how you know that.” A perturbed look crossed his face, settling into confusion. “I mean, that’s a bit weird and all, assuming it’s true, but uh… why are you telling me this?”

Tony just looked at him. Poor, sweet innocent Bruce. “Because they’re banging. Probably right this second, if the last week is anything to go by.”

Bruce’s eyes widened, more than fractionally. “What? _No_. Seriously?! _Thor_? Thor is having sex with Loki.” He looked utterly flummoxed. “Here, in the tower? Jesus, Tony. How did you find out? From Jarvis?”

Tony nodded. “I got some unusual vibes off them the first day the circus came to town, but then J caught the Ringling Brothers in the act. Multiple acts. Lots of acrobatics and balls in the air, you get the idea. Anyway, talk about a plot twist.”

Bruce looked aghast. “So what are you gonna do? Does Fury know about this?”

Tony shook his head. “No. And he’s not gonna.” Another bite, chewing slowly while Bruce absorbed this latest nugget.

“What? Why? Tony, this seems like… like a huge problem, doesn’t it? Am I the only one freaking out? Why aren’t you freaking out?” Bruce did indeed appear to be freaking out. “Man, I mean, Loki, I can see it, he’s got issues for days— but Thor? That guy, really? I thought he was, you know, a _little_ more level-headed than that.”

“I made a deal with them, Bruce.” Tony leveled, finally. “In part because I didn’t want Loki to have any leverage over Thor. Last thing we need is him trying to blackmail Mr. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter into helping him escape, or god knows what. So I intervened, we all talked— I know, believe me, I’m just as surprised as you that I still have all my limbs attached— and…”

“…and?” Bruce asked, raising his brows.

“And we came to an agreement that, as long as they don’t fuck up my tower or endanger anyone in it, I’m gonna have Jarvis keep an eye on them and allow things to carry on. For now.”

Bruce gaped. He seemed lost for words.

Tony shrugged. “I mean, honestly, if I’d known sooner Loki was gagging for Thor’s dick, we could’ve just shoved them into a broom closet on the helicarrier and called it a day. Saved us a hell of a lot of trouble.”

The look on Bruce’s face was priceless. He fumbled for a moment, then managed to get out, “Tony, are you completely out of your mind?”

“Let’s just say I’m out of the attendance area, but still technically within the district.”

“Geez, Tony, I don’t even… what are you gonna do if SHIELD finds out? What are you gonna do if _Pepper_ finds out?”

“Think, Bruce.” And here Tony snagged a nearby chair so they could look eye-to-eye. He leaned in conspiratorially. “We’re just now getting started on analyzing Loki’s biometrics. He’s a goddamn Viking wizard from space who tried to take over our world, and we still know very, _very_ little about him and what he can do.” He stabbed at the paperwork on the table with a finger to emphasize his point. “Now… if I do him a big favor like that, it might make him just a bit more cooperative. Not to mention, it means Thor’s gotta toe the line to stay in our good graces. He already owed me one for taking them in and protecting Loki— now he _really_ fuckin’ owes me one. Trust me when I say this is a good thing. I’m holding the cards here.” He leaned back in his chair and waited for the protests to start.

“Tony, I feel like there’s gotta be more to this story.” Bruce took off his glasses, cleaned them on his shirt subconsciously. “You just went in there and confronted two alien princes— two _brothers_ — with insane powers, one of whom is a homicidal megalomaniac, about the fact that they’re sleeping together? And not only were they fine with you knowing, you just… decided to let them go for it? Why would you put yourself on the line like that?” Bruce raked a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. He looked flabbergasted. “Why not just hand Loki over to SHIELD? This has to be breaking every code of conduct both on Earth and Asgard. This is seriously gonna come back to bite you, Tony.”

“You’re looking at it all wrong— this is like being handed the gift-wrapped golden key to keeping them both in line,” Tony waved him off. “Like I said, they know they owe me big. They know I’m being _real_ nice and that it could end at any time. It wasn’t like I gave in out of the goodness of my heart. I made them spend a long time convincing me of why I should let them carry on,” Tony wasn’t sure he really wanted to tell Bruce about all the details or even the premise, but Bruce was a sharp cookie. He would soon figure it out if Tony didn’t tell him, which would definitely jeopardize his cooperation. 

Bruce looked at him keenly. “How.”

Tony shrugged, casually crossing an ankle over his knee. “I… may have observed them. To ensure they were capable of being safe and sane. Or… well, maybe just call it ‘safe.’”

Bruce’s forehead scrunched with distaste. “I thought you said you hadn’t activated the cameras in the suite.” When Tony only raised his brows in reply, Bruce’s eyes bugged out once more. 

“ _Tony_ , what the hell! You didn’t!”

“Listen to me before you get your big green panties in a twist,” Tony held up a hand between them, uncrossing his legs and leaning in. “There’s a bigger picture here. I want you to follow me on this for a bit before you decide that I’m absolute batshit insane.”

“Uh huh… it might be a little too late on that.” Bruce didn’t seem entirely convinced. “Can Loki control minds without the scepter?”

Tony eye-rolled, ever unable to resist fighting dramatics with dramatics.

“Okay smartass, listen. Here’s the deal. I’ve been tasked with keeping Loki contained for an indefinite amount of time on my own dollar, right? No sane person would have agreed to those terms, but I was kinda sorta backed into a corner, because I definitely didn’t want him in SHIELD custody and if Asgard won’t take him, there’s not a whole lot else Earth can offer. And furthermore, Thor wants him kept alive and safe. So… I do Thor a favor and let them stay here. Thor and Asgard owe us a big one. You following me?”

“So far.” Bruce mused, still frowning.

“So, what then? Loki sits in my tower for a few years with nothing to do. What do you think is gonna happen? He’s gonna get bored. He’s gonna take notes— on me, on Jarvis, the tower, you. Anyone he can. He’s gonna find a way out of it, and you can quote me on that.”

Tony was warming to his presentation now. He was good at this. “But what if we, say, let Thor act as the catnip to keep our favorite bag of felines drooling and distracted? Assuming, of course, the big guy can reign in his temper and his circuit-overloading abilities… which he’s promised to do. Okay, we’re off to a pretty good start. Loki’s occupied and under Thor’s thumb. Maybe he’s even content. But we already know Thor isn’t gonna be here all the time.” 

“In the meantime, you and I both know that Loki knows stuff that we don’t. About who he was working with, or, as Thor seemed to be implying, possibly working _for_. He knows what alien bullshit is out there waiting for us: Thor said that wasn’t his army. So where’d he get it from? We need all that information, yesterday. But Loki isn’t a team player. He’s not gonna just hand us information… he’s gonna keep it all to himself out of spite.”

Tony met Bruce’s eyes. “Here’s where I come in. Like I said, I went in there and confronted them about their little incestuous love fest. Told them that prisoners can’t consent, so many issues, yadda yadda. Basically acted as if I was going to have them separated. Thor got all huffy and freaked out, probably because he kinda realized he didn’t have a leg to stand on. So then, of course, Loki was the one who suggested I should vet their activities and decide for myself if they should be allowed to continue. That’s what gave me the idea in the first place.”

“To watch them have sex.” Bruce reiterated. “Just want to make sure we’re on the same page here.”

“Yes. To watch them have sex.” Tony held up a hand to stave off more potential interruptions. “Now, we ask ourselves… why would Loki suggest such a thing? It’s not just because he’s a total exhibitionist— although I actually don’t think he is, not in that context at least. Anyway, it was clear he made the suggestion because he thought it would be easy to manipulate _me_. I told you he got all flirty during the invasion when it was just me and him in the tower, right?” Tony held his hands out. “He’ll use whatever weakness he thinks he can exploit, and obviously, I have a bit of a reputation. The guy did his homework on us.” 

Bruce continued silently musing to himself before he nodded slowly. “Go on…”

“So he suggests I watch them fuck before I make a decision. _Ostensibly_ to make sure that he’s fully consenting and Thor isn’t taking advantage of his prisoner status, whatever. It’s painfully easy to poke holes in that argument but I didn’t, because that’s when I had the idea to go along with it. Now, Thor doesn’t like the idea at first, but then he realizes that I can very easily have Loki shipped off to SHIELD where there’s literally no chance of them getting their dicks wet ever again. So Point Break puts two and two together and decides to play nice and ask if I won’t please give them a chance.”

Tony raised his eyebrows, wanting to make sure Bruce understood where he was going. “You see now? If Loki decides to pull any shit? Fine. SHIELD can have him. If Thor freaks out about that— what’s he gonna do, declare war on Earth? He’ll look like a fucking idiot, and I’ll have the evidence as to why Loki was sent away— I don’t think he’s gonna wanna tell Daddy that he’s been dicking down his psychotic little brother.” 

“Now, here’s the thing: Thor doesn’t need to know there’s no way in hell I’m actually handing Loki over to those ass-clowns at SHIELD. That little shit would have the whole place burning itself down within 24 hours. But if push came to shove, I could still separate the two of them here in the tower and Thor wouldn’t have anyone to cry to— not without admitting to the whole sordid tale. So… long story short, instead of Loki having blackmail on Thor, now I do. Not sure if that’s occurred to him yet.”

Bruce frowned, which seems to be his new default expression. “Okay, so… I kind of see your point, but you could have monitored them remotely if you really thought you needed to. Or had Jarvis do it. Why did you agree to watch them have sex in person, that just seems unnecessary.”

“Because Loki suggested it.” Tony spread his arms. “That’s a whole different game. That’s how I get one over on Loki so we can pump him for information. I play this whole thing like it’s Thor I’m catering to— but if Loki thinks I’m secretly weak for villain flesh and I’m susceptible to his manipulation, then we’re back to my earlier point which is… a confident Loki is a careless Loki.”

Tony leaned in, gesturing to Bruce as if he could make the words sink in. “I’m telling you, if he thinks we’re trying to get info outta him, he’s not gonna do a damn thing to help us. But if he thinks _I’m_ secretly charmed by him despite myself, his ego’s big enough that he’s gonna want to play the game, try to press his advantage. He’ll show more of his cards while he’s trying to manipulate me or show me up to be a hypocrite. That seems like something he’d enjoy. Or hell, maybe he’ll want to impress me— you know he likes attention. I want him to _think_ he’s got me by the dick.”

“Does he?” Bruce asked, evenly.

“No, Jesus no.” Tony only lied a little. “Look, they’re both attractive enough that I can play my part. But there’s a bigger picture here, Bruce.” 

Tony looked at Bruce, trying to show how serious he was about this. Which was very serious. Honestly.

“Look— I need to know what Loki’s hiding. He’s got some big bad enemies, Thor’s pretty certain, and having met him, I believe it. Bottom line, we don’t know where that army came from, or the scepter, and neither does Thor, which doesn’t bode well. Whoever loaned Loki an army or sent him to do a job… it’s kinda looking like he failed to return on the investment. And while I think he might be content for the moment to hide out here and lick his wounds, trust me when I say there is _no_ part of me that wants to see him escape before I can crack that egg.”

Bruce hummed in consideration. “So you think that the more reasons you can give him to stay and play along, the more time you’ll have to milk him for information and get some kind of long term game plan together? Do you think he’s really gonna fall for that, Tony?”

“Why not?” Tony fiddled with a wrench as he leaned back in his chair, using it to point at Bruce. “Think about it. We defeated him, but I’m pretty sure he gave us some big hints along the way. I think part of him even _wanted_ to get caught— not just the first time when he was trying to rip us apart from the inside. I’m not saying he’s any less of a maniac, I mean— serial killers want to get caught. But I think he truly believes we couldn’t have stopped him without his own help. You see where I’m going with this? He’s an egomaniac and he plays the long game. Hell, why wouldn’t he— he’s a thousand years old, he has time to kill.”

Bruce sighed, covering the lower half of his face with his hand as he leaned back in his chair, idly spinning from side to side. “I don’t know, Tony. He might think we’re beneath him and too stupid to pull one over on him, but I think he’s pretty paranoid too. If he smells a rat, this could really blow up in your face.”

“Well, I don’t want him blowing up my _tower_ again— especially not after having absorbed entirely too much info about us, and without us having the same dirt on him. He’s a perceptive little shit, true, but that probably just means he’s gonna eventually figure out some kind of loophole on his bindings, and I want to be ready for when he does. I need to know how to contain him if those magic cufflinks happen to evaporate one day.”

“And even before that happens, I want to make sure Asgard’s Most Wanted thinks he’s nice and safe and secure here. I want him to feel just enough in control that he’s not gonna take the first opportunity to boogie. I’m not saying he’s ever gonna, y’know, be trustworthy or have any loyalties to us, but I want him to cooperate in keeping himself contained. ”

Bruce chewed on his thumbnail, deep in thought. “This just seems like too many levels of crazy, Tony. Why not just make it SHIELD’s problem? I know, I know, you think he’ll burn the place down. But seriously— why not just separate them? I mean… like you said, you didn’t have to do all this. I’m not SHIELD’s biggest fan either, but this is kinda what they’re here for. They can’t be… that inept, can they?”

The more he spoke, the more he seemed unconvinced of his own point. Fine by Tony— less work for him. He realized he was still holding his apple core— took a free throw toward the nearest trash can and just barely made a rim-shot. 

“Bruce… let’s be honest here. SHIELD takes custody of Loki, they’re gonna fucking lose him.” He held up his hands in a helpless shrug. “Whatever they think they’re equipped for, it’s not him. He got himself out of the Hulk-proof cage all on his own, who knows if he was ever actually contained at all. Even without his hocus pocus, there’s way too many idiots there for him to manipulate. They’ll give too much away, and they already have the sceptre. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want Loki getting anywhere near that thing ever again.” Tony scrubbed a hand over his chin, gesturing as he stood up and began pacing, suddenly feeling restless. 

“I mean, shit, they couldn’t even hang onto Rogers when they first woke him up, you ever hear about that? No? Right, you were living in a hut at the time. Anyway, Boy Scout wakes up from nap-time, naturally flips out when he realized he’s snoozed through the rest of the 20th century, then escapes and runs all the way to fucking Times Square before they can catch up with him— and yeah, he’s strong, but he’s not _Loki_ strong. The guy literally woke up from a seventy year cryogenic coma and punched his way out of SHIELD HQ in a blind panic.” Tony scoffed, shaking his head. ”Not exactly a ringing endorsement of their abilities.” 

It was almost entertaining, the thought of how they’d try to keep Loki contained. Cardboard box or dog kennel, which would it be…

“Wow,” said Bruce. “Alright, that… maybe changes things. A little. I can’t imagine Fury would let that happen a second time but you’re right about the helicarrier. We don’t really know what he’s capable of. Ugh, Tony, I really don’t like any of this.”

“Neither do I, but we’re the Avengers. This is what _we’re_ here for.” Tony reminded him, standing and stretching. “Honestly, who at SHIELD would be more qualified to deal with him than you, me and Thor? You’re the only one who’s managed to put a dent in him.”

“And in your tower,” Bruce muttered, idly shuffling some of the papers before him. Tony needed to wrap this up, he was clearly getting twitchy.

“Whatever. You did what you had to do, and the kintsugi’s gonna look amazing. What other tower in Manhattan can say that the Hulk smashed Invader Zim into the 34th floor? It’s modern art.” Tony waved him off. “But you see my point. Fury’s too busy to keep an eye on him at all times. Barton would shoot him as soon as look at him. Romanoff’s the only other one who I’d trust around him and I know from experience, she can play babysitter but she _really_ doesn’t like it.”

Bruce sighed. Deeply, and regretfully. “So what are you asking, Tony?”

“Bruce, I think we both know that I need to be the one to handle this situation or it’s all gonna go to shit—” and here Tony paused. “And I’m gonna need your help if I’m gonna do that. So are you in? Operation Lay Low? Keep the Viking incest on the down-low?”

Bruce sighed. 

“Do I have a choice?”

“Technically, you always have a choice. But practically speaking; no, not really.”

“…then it looks like I’m in.”

“Excellent.” Tony straightened to his full height, rubbing his hands together. “Can I get you a … celebratory spirulina smoothie?”

Bruce made a face. “No offense, Tony, but I’d rather drink a fishtank.”


End file.
